It’s An Emergency! But It Can Wait. JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 7, 2020

App-ly Your Brain To This Situation
AUSTRALIA, CURRENT EVENTS, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, STUPID | HEALTHY | AUGUST 24, 2020
I’m a receptionist checking in a patient.

Me: “Okay. Have you been tested for [widespread illness] in the last two weeks?”

Patient: “I have the app.”

I patiently waited for an answer. The patient just stared at me.

Make Sure You Stretch First
HEALTH & BODY, HOME, PENNSYLVANIA, SPOUSES & PARTNERS, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 23, 2020
I am old enough that I’ve gone through menopause. A few months ago, I had some bleeding, so my doctor wanted to do a biopsy. This was very uncomfortable, not because of the biopsy itself, but due to me having to be dilated. Having never had children, I’d never experienced the pain.

Today, I have a followup biopsy to make sure everything is still okay since the first one turned out okay.

I tell my husband that when I come home I’ll take one of my strong painkillers to help with the pain. The following exchange takes place.

Husband: “Why are you going to do that? They’re only taking a snip of tissue.”

Me: “It’s not the snip that hurts. It’s the dilation!”

The kicker is that he and his ex have two kids. It shouldn’t be a foreign concept to him!

But on the plus side, my mother-in-law who took me got me a pack of snack-size dark chocolate bars! That’s one of my favorite takeaways from “Harry Potter”: that chocolate makes everything better. And best of all, it’s scientifically proven.

This Patient Needs A Patience Refill
JERK, OREGON, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 21, 2020
I’m at a drive-thru for my local pharmacy. There are two lanes: one for drop-off, one for pickup. I’m in the pickup lane when a lady pulls up to the drop-off lane. It’s currently Saturday afternoon.

Pharmacy Tech: “Good afternoon. Are you dropping off today?”

Lady: “Actually, I need to get a refill on a prescription. I’ve been unable to reach you guys by phone for a week and a half.”

Pharmacy Tech: “Okay, can I get your info?”

The information is passed and a minute or so passes.

Pharmacy Tech: “We do not have the prescription in stock, but we’ll have this filled for you by Monday afternoon.”

Lady: “I can’t wait that long! I need my prescription. Can you see if any other location has it?”

Pharmacy Tech: “Just a couple of minutes.”

A couple of minutes go by.

Pharmacy Tech: “The other pharmacies in this area also don’t have it; it’s not a common prescription. If you had called it in prior to now, we’d have it all ready for you.”

Lady: “This is unacceptable!”

Pharmacy Tech: “We didn’t know you needed a refill. We do have an automatic refill service.”

Lady: “I don’t like those automatic refill things.”

Pharmacy Tech: “If you needed the prescription today, you should have called it in a couple days ago, or you could have done it online.”

Lady: “I don’t have time for this. You should have my prescription ready. It’s not my fault I didn’t call for a refill.”

The lady speeds off.

An Honest Doctor Is A Good Thing
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, FUNNY, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 19, 2020
I develop a hernia on vacation so I go to my urologist for help.

Me: “Is this a hernia?”

He has done other surgeries for me before.

He pokes it a few times — ouch! — and agrees.

Doctor: ”Yup, that’s a hernia. Good.”

Me: ”Why is this good?”

Doctor: ”Because I get paid more to fix this.”

He retired a few years ago. I miss that guy.

Have A Heart, Use Your Brain
ESTONIA, HOSPITAL, JERK, PATIENTS, STUPID | HEALTHY | AUGUST 17, 2020
This story was told by my neighbour. She is waiting at the hospital for an appointment with an orthopaedist. Her number is called, but before she can stand up and go to the correct office, another woman quickly runs in before her. Puzzled, my neighbour goes to the receptionist.

Neighbour: “Excuse me, could you please help me? I have an appointment with [Doctor], but another lady ran in when my number was called. I have been waiting for that appointment and I would hate to miss it.”

Receptionist: “What? Please, come with me.”

She marches to the doctor’s office with my neighbour following her and opens the door to the office where the doctor is just starting with the woman who stormed in.

Receptionist: “Is your name Mrs. [Neighbour]? And was your number [number #1]?”

Woman: “No, my name is [Woman]. And my number is [number #2 ].”

Receptionist: *Looking puzzled* “[Number #2 ]? Isn’t that a number used in a different building? Cardiology?”

Woman: “Look, I found a parking spot closer to here and I’m in a hurry. Do I really have to go to a different building? Couldn’t this doctor look at me now?”

Orthopaedist: “Given that my office is not equipped for diagnosing heart issues, it would be useless. Please leave.”

Doctor Obvious Is Afoot
CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MEDICAL OFFICE, NON-DIALOGUE, USA, VANCOUVER, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | AUGUST 14, 2020
I’ve had severe pain in both of my feet on and off for two years. I’ve been diagnosed with tendonitis, mild tendon tears, plantar fasciitis, Morton’s neuroma, and arthritis. I’ve tried everything that two doctors have suggested, plus a few things I learned about doing my own research. I’ve also had an MRI.

I’m getting pretty desperate for relief. This means that I’m willing to see a doctor despite the rapidly spreading illness going around, even though I’m at extremely high risk for it.

At my most recent appointment, the doctor proudly announced that I had metatarsalgia. This was a fancy way of saying that the bones in my feet hurt. No kidding, doc! He recommended highly cushioned shoes — which is all I’d been able to wear for two years — and that’s it.

I’ll be seeking out yet another doctor for this.

Unfiltered Story #160120
MINNESOTA, PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | AUGUST 15, 2019
( I’m a in-training pharmacy technician in Walgreens and today was one of our busier days of the week.)

Me: Welcome to Walgreens! Are you picking up today?

Customer: Yes

Me: Can I have your last name?

Customer: It’s (XXXXXXX).

Me: And your first name?

Customer: (XXXXXX)

Me: Alright, Looks like I have two ready for you. Give me a few seconds to grab that.
*I ran around the back of the shelf were we keep are prescriptions and start looking for his name. I found his two prescriptions, which were diapers, and one of them had a note written on it. “Does he want both? See Pharmacist.” After reading, I go to the pharmacist. *
Me: This patient is here to pick these up. *Holds up both bags of diapers*

Pharmacist: *she looks at them* We receive two scripts from his doctor for both. Ask him for which he wants or if he wants both.

Me: Okay. *goes back to the front* So it looks like we received two scripts from your doctor for two brands of diapers. There’s [ Brand 1], which we have 17 of for you, and [brand 2] which is a completion because you picked up 47 earlier.

Customer: Oh I can get both? Great. And I talked to my insurance and they said that they will cover 150 of the diapers every month, so can I get 150 of [brand 1] and 150 of [brand 2] ?

Me: Umm Let me ask my pharmacist that. *runs to the back to tell her what’s going on before she tells me that we can’t do that because they look at Diapers, not by individual brand. I turn back to tell the customer what the pharmacist told me.* So it looks like we can’t do that because your insurance looks at the total diapers and not by individual brands. So by the insurance’s records, you’ve already picked up 150 diapers, including the two I’m hold in my hands.

Customer: No. I didn’t pick up 150. And these two are not the same so they can’t be counted together. *points to brand 1* It’s like these are apples and those *points to brand 2* are oranges. They aren’t the same. You’d think in this time of the world, with out technologically advanced we are, all the answers we want are just a few types away. Then we won’t have to deal with all this brain damage.

Me: …. *nods a long* Umm.. Let me see if my pharmacist knows of an override code that could help us. *Turns to the pharmacist for help because There is NOTHING that I can do, legally.* I need your help…. he’s still going on and on.

Pharmacist: *she walks out* Hi. What seems to be the problem here?

Customer: She’s telling me that I’ve already picked up 150 diapers already.

Pharmacist: Yes that is right, that is what we have on file. *she pulls up his profile on the computer* It looks like you picked up a partial fill last week, 47 of [brand 2]. And with the 17 of [brand 1] and the 84 of [brand 2], that makes up the 150 of this month.

Customer: No. I never picked up any last week.

Pharmacist: If you want, I can call the manager to check the cameras to see who picked it up for you last week.

Customer: No, just give me the 150 of the [brand 1].

Pharmacist: I can’t do that because you’ve already picked up 47 of [brand 2] and you have to complete the doctor’s prescription of 131 diapers of [brand 2].

Customer: *he sighs* But they aren’t the same! You don’t understand! *he points to brand 1* This is like a man that has a penis! And *points to brand 2* this is like a woman that has a vagina! Now. They are NOT the same! Can’t you get the manager or someone that knows what they’re doing to solve this. We are in a technology advanced world! Shouldn’t everything be just a few clicks away on the computer and then we wouldn’t have to suffer brain damage from all of this?!

Pharmacist: …. *A small… awkward pause because she was just absorbing what he said, being that she is the Pharmacy manager….* If you want, I can give your insurance a call to see if they can revert it but again, it will only be able to work starting next month. I can also leave a note in your chart saying to only use [brand 1] as well but this will only be able to go into effect next month when the insurance will start paying for 150.

Customer: *he sighs* Fine, give them a call and call me when you find an answer. But [brand 1] and [brand 2] ARE NOT THE SAME. *he leaves*

Pharmacist: *she just smiles* Have a good day, sir. *she walks quickly back to work area, shaking her head* Anyone up for burgers? My treat.

** Brand 1 and Brand 2 are both diapers, but under two different brands. Example, Huggies and Pampers are both diapers but under different brands.

Wasn’t A Hard Decision
HEALTH & BODY, NON-DIALOGUE, PENNSYLVANIA, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | AUGUST 12, 2019
I was working at the drive-thru window at the pharmacy. A customer pulled up and I asked for his name and date of birth. After he replied, I went to get his prescription out of the waiting bin. I informed him that his insurance did not cover this medication; most insurances do not because it is for erectile dysfunction.

He asked me for the cash price and I told him it was roughly 120 dollars for four pills.

He looked at his wife who was in the passenger seat, looked at me, said, “F*** that. I don’t need a hard-on that bad,” and sped away.

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Be Careful Where You Insert That Battery
AUSTRIA, PHARMACY, STUPID, VIENNA | RIGHT | JULY 31, 2019
Customer: “I need a medical thermometer.”

Me: “A digital one that’s battery-operated or a glass one without a battery?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(Since a digital one gives results faster, I grab one and hand it to the customer.)

Customer: “Oh, no, I’ve got one of these at home, but it has no battery, and it’s not working!”

Me: “These run all on battery. Maybe the battery in yours is empty.”

Customer: *thinking hard for a minute* “Maybe that’s why it’s not working anymore.”

Me: *internal facepalm*

Give A Dog A Bone
MICHIGAN, PETS & ANIMALS, PHARMACY, RETAIL, RUDE & RISQUE, USA | HEALTHY | JULY 11, 2019
(One day at work, I hear my pharmacist and another technician talking about an unusual prescription that’s come in. Curious, I switch to a computer nearby and find them discussing a dog who’s been prescribed the generic for Viagra. Apparently, a recent study has indicated that it may be helpful for relieving coughing in dogs, for some reason, and we spend some time discussing how it might work in that regard. Later, as I’m working on the computer and she’s filling prescriptions behind me, she glances up and leans toward me, chuckling.)

Pharmacist: “You know, it’s hard enough for a person to talk to their doctor about this type of medication. I’d think it’d have to be even harder for a dog!”

Me: *playing along* “Well, yeah. Besides not being able to talk, it’s gotta be way more embarrassing for them, with everything all hanging out and no way to disguise it.”

(After a few moments.)

Me: “I can totally see the commercials, though. This gorgeous Golden Retriever stud going ‘Once, I was the laughing stock of the breeding kennel. But now, I’m back to being top dog, thanks to Viagra!’”

Pharmacist: *cracking up* “See, none of the other health care professions get to enjoy jokes like this.”

(I love my coworkers.)

Unfiltered Story #155148
PENNSYLVANIA, PHARMACY, USA | UNFILTERED | JUNE 23, 2019
This happens all the time.

*customer walks up *

Me: Hello!

Customer: Hi, I need to pick up, my doctor called something in earlier.

Me: OK, what’s your name?

Customer: Dr. Blank called it in.

Me: What’s your-

Customer: I think it was for lispil *they usually mean lisinopril, pronounced like it looks*

Me: What’s-

Customer: It was about 2 hours ago, can’t you find it?

Me: *firm voice* What is your NAME?

Customer: Oh! Jane.

Me: And your last name? *medications are sorted by last name*

Customer: *last name*

Me: *finds medication and rings them out*

Honestly, it’s like pulling teeth.

Unfiltered Story #152444
CANADA, PHARMACY, SASKATCHEWAN | UNFILTERED | MAY 29, 2019
I worked at a pharmacy that was surrounded but seniors homes, so this made up the majority of our clientele, the pharmacy was in a mall which included a grocery store, when the grocery store was closed for Reno’s we brought in some basic staples like milk and bread and continued carrying them after the grocery store re-opened. our suplly was limited we carried only small CARTONS of milk, no jugs.

customerwith a jug of milk) I want to return this, its passed the expiry date, and I lost the receipt.

me: Ma’am you didn’t purchase this from us, so I cannot process a return

customer: excuse me?! I KNOW where I purchased my milk from, I got from here and you need to return it for me!

me: we do not carry jugs of milk ma’am, only cartons, so you cannot possibly have purchased it from us, perhaps you got it from the grocery store down the hall?

(note I look a lot younger then I am, it is very likely the customer presumed I was in school and only worked part time)
Customer: I bought it from from here, you just must not have been here when the jugs came in.

me: Ma’am we are only open 9 hours a day Monday to Sat and 4 hours on Sundays and I work 8 of those hours Mon-Sat and all of them on Sundays. I place and accept all the orders, I am telling you, we have never had jugged milk in stock, you did not purchase this from us.

Customer:….. oh..sorry *hangs her head and leaves*:

Obama Drama, Part 7
BIZARRE, JERK, LOUISIANA, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | MAY 21, 2019
(It is during the Obama presidency. The pharmacy phone rings.)

Caller: “I want to check and see if my prescription is ready.”

Me: “Sure. Could I get your information?”

(I look up the patient and see that his insurance wants additional paperwork from the doctor before they will pay for the medication. This is a VERY common problem, especially for expensive or name-brand medication.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks like your prescription isn’t ready because we are still waiting for the doctor to file some additional paperwork with the insurance company.”

Caller: “What do you mean? I was told that my prescription would be ready by five! Why isn’t it ready?”

Me: “Sir, this medication is name-brand and very expensive. Your insurance company doesn’t want to pay for it unless your doctor provides additional paperwork stating that it is medically necessary.”

Caller: “Well, of course it’s medically necessary! My doctor wrote it for me, so I need it! This is ridiculous. I need my medicine!”

Me: “I apologize for that, sir. If you’d like to pay the cash price of [several hundred dollars], I can have your prescription ready in about ten minutes. But unfortunately, if you want your insurance to cover it, you may want to try calling your doctor and making sure he’s filled out the paperwork we faxed to him.”

Caller: “This has nothing to do with my insurance company! You know what this is? This is that ‘Obama-Care’ and his death panels! He’s just trying to kill off all of us old people! I don’t know how he even got in office; he’s a Kenyan!”

(The caller continues spouting out conspiracy theories for another five minutes.)

Caller: “Well, I think I’ve wasted enough of your time. Goodnight.” *click*

Me: “…”

Obama Drama, Part 6
BIZARRE, EMPLOYEES, MASSACHUSETTS, POLITICS, RETAIL, USA | WORKING | JANUARY 31, 2019
(I work in a major retail chain. One night, we get an unusual truck delivery. Our manager is waiting by the dock with us as we get ready to unload it.)

Manager: *sigh* “All right, everyone. This is going to seem crazy, but I’ve confirmed with the home office that the delivery inside is definitely intended to be ours just the way it is, so just go with it.”

Coworker: “Wait. What the heck is inside?”

Manager: “You’ll see.”

(Shortly after, the truck driver opens the door to reveal an absolutely absurd amount of tangerines. My coworkers and I alternate between staring at the tangerines in amazement and each other in shock and confusion.)

Coworker: “There’s no way this is right. I get that we’re a busy supercenter and all, but there’s no way even we can sell all these oranges before a whole bunch goes bad.”

Manager: “Yep, that’s how I feel, but apparently someone higher up than me disagrees.”

Me: *as I’m sliding my pallet jack under the first pallet* “What reason could there possibly be to make this seem like a good idea?”

Driver: “You want to know what these oranges are for? This is all about that Obamacare!”

(Suddenly, everyone stops what they’re doing to process what the driver has said.)

Manager: “What… What does that have to do with oranges? No, actually, what does that have to do with anything right now?”

Driver: “That’s Obamacare for you; it doesn’t make any sense!”

(We quickly gave up trying to figure out what the driver was talking about. For the next week, all our nightly meetings included a manager urging us all to get a bag of tangerines on the way home. Once the story of the delivery had spread, we would all say goodbye to each other with, “Don’t forget your Obamacare oranges!”)

Related:

Obama Drama, Part 5
AT THE CHECKOUT, JERK, RETAIL, TENNESSEE, USA | RIGHT | JULY 8, 2018
(At the store where I work, it is policy to card for ALL tobacco and alcohol purchases. It doesn’t matter if the person has grey hair and more wrinkles than a Shar Pei; we still have to card them. Failure to card can lose me my job and cost me and the store a hefty fine. The customer I am serving here appears to be in at least his 60s.)

Customer: “I’ll take a can of [chewing tobacco], please.”

Me: “Certainly.” *unlocks the tobacco cabinet and gets out the can* “May I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “You’re kidding me!”

Customer’s Buddy: “The state of things now! Is this an Obama rule? This is ridiculous how things are nowadays! Is his one of Obama’s rules?”

Me: “No, it is a store rule.”

Customer & His Buddy: *laughs* “A store rule?!”

(The customer handed me his ID, I typed in the birthdate and told him his total, and he paid and left, both of them still laughing. This is not the first time a customer has railed about “Obama taking away their rights” when asked for ID.)

Related:

Obama Drama, Part 4
BIZARRE, JERK, MISSOURI, RETAIL, SILLY, USA | RIGHT | JANUARY 15, 2018
(I work at an office supply store in the printing department. It is a Saturday evening, and a coworker and I are currently putting out ads for the next week. We have just closed our doors, and everything is going fine until we get a call. I don’t pay much attention until my coworker calls me over to take it, as it is for my department. Keep in mind that we are currently closed.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if I could get a price quote on some prints?”

Me: “Sure thing! What are you looking to get?”

(The customer proceeds to describe what he wants, which goes on for a few minutes. The conversation goes well, nothing out of the ordinary, until we reach the end of the conversation.)

Customer: “Sounds good! What time do you all close?”

Me: “We closed about 15 minutes ago, sir, but we open back up at 10:00 tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Aw, man, really? I am actually just right outside. Could you make an exception?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not, but like I said, we open back up tomorrow.”

Customer: “But I’m from out of town and I really need this done.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed.”

Customer: “But I’m from Texas; does that change anything?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, sir. We are still closed, regardless.”

(We go back and forth like this for several minutes. He is getting irate the longer it goes on, and so am I. I try to keep the friendliest voice I can muster. It seems like he has finally decided to give up, until the customer says something I never expected.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said before, we are closed.”

Customer: *in a threatening tone* “Do I need to call Obama to confirm that you’re closed?”

Me: *legitimately speechless*

Customer: *click*

(After I hung up the phone, I told my coworker and manager. They both got a pretty good kick out of it! It was the strangest phone call I have ever received. We also never did get that phone call from Obama.)

Obama Drama, Part 3
POST OFFICE | RIGHT | MAY 25, 2016
(It’s the day before taxes are due and a few last minute customers are mailing out their returns. Customer #1 is addressing his envelope while Customer #2 is filling out a money order for a payment.)

Customer #1 : “I really got hit this year!”

Customer #2 : *murmurs sympathetically*

Customer #1 : “But I guess I’m just stuck paying like this until we get a Republican governor again.”

Customer #2 : *glances at him* “Yeah…?”

(There’s a slight pause as Customer #1 thinks.)

Customer #1 : “We’ve got a Republican governor right now, don’t we?”

Customer #2 : “Yup!”

(The Republican governor had already been in office three years; he was preceded by another Republican.)

Obama Drama, Part 5
AT THE CHECKOUT, JERK, RETAIL, TENNESSEE, USA | RIGHT | JULY 8, 2018
(At the store where I work, it is policy to card for ALL tobacco and alcohol purchases. It doesn’t matter if the person has grey hair and more wrinkles than a Shar Pei; we still have to card them. Failure to card can lose me my job and cost me and the store a hefty fine. The customer I am serving here appears to be in at least his 60s.)

Customer: “I’ll take a can of [chewing tobacco], please.”

Me: “Certainly.” *unlocks the tobacco cabinet and gets out the can* “May I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “You’re kidding me!”

Customer’s Buddy: “The state of things now! Is this an Obama rule? This is ridiculous how things are nowadays! Is his one of Obama’s rules?”

Me: “No, it is a store rule.”

Customer & His Buddy: *laughs* “A store rule?!”

(The customer handed me his ID, I typed in the birthdate and told him his total, and he paid and left, both of them still laughing. This is not the first time a customer has railed about “Obama taking away their rights” when asked for ID.)

Obama Drama, Part 4
BIZARRE, JERK, MISSOURI, RETAIL, SILLY, USA | RIGHT | JANUARY 15, 2018
(I work at an office supply store in the printing department. It is a Saturday evening, and a coworker and I are currently putting out ads for the next week. We have just closed our doors, and everything is going fine until we get a call. I don’t pay much attention until my coworker calls me over to take it, as it is for my department. Keep in mind that we are currently closed.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if I could get a price quote on some prints?”

Me: “Sure thing! What are you looking to get?”

(The customer proceeds to describe what he wants, which goes on for a few minutes. The conversation goes well, nothing out of the ordinary, until we reach the end of the conversation.)

Customer: “Sounds good! What time do you all close?”

Me: “We closed about 15 minutes ago, sir, but we open back up at 10:00 tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Aw, man, really? I am actually just right outside. Could you make an exception?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not, but like I said, we open back up tomorrow.”

Customer: “But I’m from out of town and I really need this done.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed.”

Customer: “But I’m from Texas; does that change anything?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, sir. We are still closed, regardless.”

(We go back and forth like this for several minutes. He is getting irate the longer it goes on, and so am I. I try to keep the friendliest voice I can muster. It seems like he has finally decided to give up, until the customer says something I never expected.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said before, we are closed.”

Customer: *in a threatening tone* “Do I need to call Obama to confirm that you’re closed?”

Me: *legitimately speechless*

Customer: *click*

(After I hung up the phone, I told my coworker and manager. They both got a pretty good kick out of it! It was the strangest phone call I have ever received. We also never did get that phone call from Obama.)

Obama Drama, Part 3
POST OFFICE | RIGHT | MAY 25, 2016
(It’s the day before taxes are due and a few last minute customers are mailing out their returns. Customer #1 is addressing his envelope while Customer #2 is filling out a money order for a payment.)

Customer #1 : “I really got hit this year!”

Customer #2 : *murmurs sympathetically*

Customer #1 : “But I guess I’m just stuck paying like this until we get a Republican governor again.”

Customer #2 : *glances at him* “Yeah…?”

(There’s a slight pause as Customer #1 thinks.)

Customer #1 : “We’ve got a Republican governor right now, don’t we?”

Customer #2 : “Yup!”

(The Republican governor had already been in office three years; he was preceded by another Republican.)

Trying To Kill The Pain, Not The Bank Balance
FRIENDS, HEALTH & BODY, JERK, MONEY, PHARMACY, UK | FRIENDLY | MAY 16, 2019
(A friend and I have just gotten piercings. I have some already, so I suggest we get ibuprofen to handle the immediate swelling and pain. We go to our local pharmacy.)

Friend: “Which one do we need?”

Me: “One that has ibuprofen in it.”

Friend: “Ah.” *picks up the most expensive branded box*

Me: “Ugh, I’d rather go with the generic kind.” *picks up my own box*

Friend: “But look at it. It’ll probably kill you!”

Me: “They are literally the same. Yours is branded, though, so they charge extortionate prices.”

Friend: “No, this one is better.”

(I take his box and show him the ingredients on the back. By a stroke of luck, they are EXACTLY the same.)

Friend: *after spending a long time comparing* “Mine is still better!”

(I shrugged and we paid for our own painkillers. He paid £3.49, while I paid 39p.)