Insert Butt Crack Here

Great Stuff, Health & Body, Pharmacy | Right | October 31, 2008


Customer: “Hi, I’m having a problem with my suppositories. They’re not working at all!”

Me: “Okay, let me get the pharmacist for you so he can help you.”

(The customer decides to just yell the same question over two counters to the pharmacist in front of at least 10 other people.)

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, would you like to come over to our consultation are so we can talk about this privately?”

Customer: “No, I just want to know why my suppositories aren’t working!”

Pharmacist: “Well, okay. Are they melting before you insert them?”

Customer: “No, nothing like that!”

Pharmacist: “Are they breaking up into pieces before you use them?”

Customer: “No, no, nothing like that! They’re all in one piece and the same shape and all that stuff! I know how to follow the d*** directions!”

Pharmacist: “Are parts of the foil wrapper sticking to it at all?”

Customer: “What wrapper?!”

(Note: the suppository wrappers are aluminum foil with sharp edges. Ouch.)

After This, She’s Gonna Need An Antidepressant

Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money, Pharmacy | Right | October 26, 2008


Customer: “Hi, can I have some of those allergy medications that are behind the counter? The 24 hour kind.”

Me: “Sure thing…”

(I grab one, because law mandates that the computers only allow me to check out one 24 hour medication for a certain period of time).

Customer: “Oh, I wanted four. Can I have four, please?”

Me: “Sorry, I can only give you one. There’s a law that makes me check your ID on the computer. It won’t let me check out more than one for you, at least not in the 24 hour dose.”

Customer: “Well, can you at least try? If you’d TRY once in a while, you never know what you can do!”

Me: “All right, then…”

(I scan one and sure enough, the second won’t go through.)

Me: “Yup, it won’t let me check out the second one. Your total’s gonna be about 20 bucks.”

Customer: “Okay, now try the third one.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “If the second one didn’t work, maybe the third one will.”

Me: “Ma’am, all four of these are exactly the same. If the second one didn’t work, what makes you think if I rang up another box of the exact same thing would work?”

Customer: “JUST DO IT!”

Me: “Okay… yeah… it’s not working.”

Customer: “Okay, now try the fourth one.”

(Suffice it to say it doesn’t work; after she buys her one box, she comes back about fifteen minutes later.)

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU SELL ME THIS EXPIRED MEDICATION!”

Me: “Err… what? I can guarantee you it’s not. I checked it before I gave it to you.”

Customer: “Oh yeah? Then what’s this? It says FEB 20!”

Me: “Yes… February… of 2020. Not February 20th.”

Customer: “Uh… well, I’m older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right. I’m 42 and I make $[amount] an hour!”

Me: “I’ll agree with you, you’re much older than I am. I’m only 26. But, ma’am, you are talking to a pharmacist. I make twice that. Oh, wait… I’m in overtime now… three times that. Actually, in the time it took me to help you, I just made one hour’s worth of your wage. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Even Managers Have A Stupid Quota

Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Money, Pharmacy, Refund | Right | October 8, 2008


(A young, angry-looking woman is standing at the pharmacy counter with a small pile of white sticks.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, these pregnancy tests are all faulty. I want a refund.”

Me: “Okay. So, what happened? Were they broken or missing pieces?”

Customer: “No, they keep saying positive. I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Um… okay. So, if you’re not pregnant, then why get the tests?”

Customer: “Get your manager!”

Me: *gets manager*

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

(I wander off at this point, called into the vitamins section. When I come back, security is taking the woman out of the store.)

Me: “What the…?”

Manager: “Twit. She just wanted her money back. I hope she has twins that cause a LOT of pain and are ugly. REAL ugly… and poop a lot!”

Speak For Yourself

Great Stuff, Jerk, Pharmacy, USA | Right | August 28, 2008


Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “My wife sent me in here to pick up some chestnut brown and I can’t find it.”

Me: “Okay, is that makeup or hair color?”

Customer: “I don’t know; she just said chestnut brown.”

Me: “Do you happen to remember the brand name?”

Customer: “No! She just said chestnut brown. Weren’t you listening?”

Me: “Well, it sounds like hair dye to me. Let’s have a look.”

(We both go to the hair coloring aisle and I start to look through every shade in every brand. The man does not help at all; it takes me ten minutes.)

Me: “Here you go, sir. This is Garnier hair color, chestnut brown.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s it? I don’t want to go home and have to come back.”

Me: “You could call your wife and ask her.”

Customer: “She’s not at home. Oh, wait, hold on.”

(He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and begins to read it.)

Customer: “Yep, Garnier chestnut brown. That’s it!”

Me: “Sir, no offense, but you could have saved us a lot of time by reading that note in the first place.”

Customer: “That’s the problem with this country. Nobody wants to work anymore!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s our problem.”

He Shoots, He Misses

Pharmacy | Right | August 13, 2008


(I used to work at a drug store. From time to time, the pharmacy portion of the store wouldn’t open because there wasn’t a pharmacist to do so. A customer reads the closed sign…)

Customer: “What’s the meaning of this?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The pharmacy is closed today because we don’t have a pharmacist.”

Customer: “People are SICK! They need their MEDICATION!”

Me: “I wish there was something I could do, sir, but–”

Customer: “You know what this is? Do you?! Two words! TWO WORDS! UN-ACCEPTABLE!”

Thirteen Bucks Can Buy A Lot Of Beans

Great Stuff, Health & Body, Money, Pharmacy | Right | August 4, 2008


Customer: “I hear there’s this stuff you can put on your food that won’t give you gas.”

Me: “Oh, yeah… it’s called Beano. Put a couple of drops on your food and the enzymes in it prevent the food from giving you gas.”

Customer: “So, you have it?”

Me: “Yep. I’ll show you.”

(We walk over to the shelf where Beano is kept. I show him the little 3 or 4 oz. bottle; a little goes a long way with that stuff.)

Me: “This is it.”

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “$12.99.”

Customer: “For THAT little bottle? S***, I’ll just fart!”

The Inadvertent Thief

Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Great Stuff, Health & Body, Pharmacy | Right | June 26, 2008


Lady: “Do you sell aloe vera gel?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid we don’t, but you might be able to get it at [Store] down the street.”

Lady: “Oh, great, thanks.”

(She leaves and ten minutes later returns wielding a tube, looking irritated.)

Me: “Hello again, did you manage to find it okay?”

Lady: “No! You told me they had aloe vera gel! All they had is the cream! I don’t want the cream!”

Me: “Um… you didn’t want the cream but you bought it anyway?”

Lady: “No, of course I didn’t BUY–”

(She suddenly stopped

Along The Way, You’ll Meet Some Hopped-Up Munchkins

Extra Stupid, Great Stuff, Pharmacy | Right | May 23, 2008


(I live in a town where 65% of the people are 65 years old and older. When we were redoing the design of the store, they placed a large white walkway from the front door to the pharmacy.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is the front of the store. Your prescription is in the back of the store, in the pharmacy.”

Customer: “How do I get there?”

Me: “Follow the white brick road.”

Teenage Boys And Smutty Mags? You Don’t Say!

Crazy Requests, Great Stuff, Parents/Guardians, Pharmacy, Religion, Rude & Risque | Right | May 19, 2008


Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson p*rnography!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell p*rnography.”

Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager, now!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson p*rnography!”

Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.”

Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!”

Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?”

(She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.)

Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See? Right here! Where any child could see!”

Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not p*rnography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.”

Angry Old Woman: “I know p*rnography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?”

Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?”

Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!”

Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it. Seriously.”

Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!”

Manager: “Right… Real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have Internet access?”

Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.”

How About Some Ritalin While You’re At It

Pharmacy | Right | May 7, 2008


(Our insurance transmitter was experiencing problems, so we were unable to transmit to any insurance companies when filling prescriptions. I explained this to one customer, who decided to sit and wait for a while to see if the transmitter would come back up. Meanwhile another customer came in with a prescription.)

New Customer: “Hi, I’d like this filled please.”

Me: *explains transmitter problem*

New Customer: “Oh that’s okay, I don’t have insurance.”

Me: “No problem, we’ll have it ready in just a few minutes.”

Original Customer: “Wait! I was ahead of her! Why isn’t mine ready!?”

Me: “We are still waiting for the insurance transmitter to come back up, sir.”

Original Customer: “Well how did you fill hers!”

New Customer: “I pay cash, I don’t have prescription coverage.”

Original Customer: “Well I pay cash too!”

Me: “You want to just get it at retail price, and not use insurance?”

Original Customer: “Yes! I have cash! I’ll pay for it, just fill it now!”

(Five minutes later…)

Me: “Okay, sir, we’ve got you ready. The total comes to $35.99.”

Original Customer: “WHAT! My co-pay is only $3.00!”

Me: “Sir, you said you wanted to go ahead and pay cash price since the insurance transmitter is still down.”

Original Customer: “I do have cash! See?” *shows wallet with cash in it* “Why is it $35?! You people don’t know anything! I’m taking my business elsewhere!”

Me: *facepalm*

We Can Also Give It Lots Of Benadryl

Great Stuff, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pharmacy, USA | Right | April 28, 2008


(Our new drugstore is assigned a phone number that had previously belonged to the animal shelter. We ALWAYS answer the phone with our store name and hours, but people don’t always listen. This becomes annoying, but one of my coworkers likes to have fun with it.)

Caller: “Uh, yeah. I have this raccoon in my backyard.”

Coworker: “Hmm… that’s nice.”

Caller: “Yeah, well it seems to be acting strangely… like it’s crazy.”

Coworker: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Caller: “Well, you should do your job and come out and get rid of it! Isn’t that why I pay my taxes?”

Coworker: “Okay, then. Give me your address.”

Caller: *gives out address*

Coworker: “All right, after I close the drugstore I’ll be over with my shotgun around midnight. There will be a loud noise, so warn your neighbors. Since I don’t work for your taxes, just tape a $20 bill inside your mailbox, more if you want a fancy burial. Have a nice day!” *click

Back In My Day, Pills Fell Like Mana From The Heavens

Crazy Requests, Great Stuff, Health & Body, Pharmacy | Right | March 13, 2008


(I was cashiering the closing shift on a Sunday night. The pharmacy closes earlier than the rest of the store on weekends. A customer comes in at 9:30pm.)

Customer: “Oh sh*t! The pharmacy is closed?!”

Me: “Yes, they close at 6pm on weekends. They will open again at 8am tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “But I need a prescription filled.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the pharmacist will not be here until 8am tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Can’t you do it?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “I’m not a pharmacist.”

Customer: “Don’t be a smart a**!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Only a pharmacist can fill your prescription.”

Customer: “What is this world coming to?!” *storms out

Triple Burger, Triple Stupid

Employees, Fast Food, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pennsylvania, USA | Working | June 12, 2020


I am at the drive-thru of a local fast food place, stopping to get myself a quick meal before work.

Worker: “Hi, welcome to [Fast Food Place]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I would like a double combo, large size, with lettuce and onion, and no cheese.”

The worker puts my order on the screen. I notice he has put the combo up as one WITH cheese.

Me: “Excuse me, I wanted that combo without cheese.”

Worker: “Sorry about that.”

He corrects the entry and it now clearly says, “NO cheese,” in red lettering.

Worker: “Will that be all today, sir?”

Me: “That’ll be everything.”

Worker: “Your total comes to $10.05 today, sir.”

I pull over to the window and give him the money. He immediately hands me my drink.

Worker: “Your food will be out in a moment, sir.”

He goes into the kitchen, and about a minute later he comes back to the window.

Worker: “Did you order the double with cheese?”

Me: “No. My order was a double with lettuce and onion, and without cheese.”

Worker: “Okay, one moment, sir.”

He goes back and grabs a sandwich from the rack.

Worker: “Here you are, sir.”

I check the sandwich to make sure it is correct, and then call him back when I notice it is not.

Me: “Excuse me, this is not at all what I ordered.”

Worker: “Are you sure, sir?”

Me: “I ordered a double with lettuce and onion, and no cheese. This is a triple — a plain triple with nothing on it.”

Worker: “I’m sorry, I can have a new one ready for you in about five minutes.”

Me: “No, I’m really tight on time and I need to be at work in ten minutes. Please remove one of the patties from this burger and put lettuce and onion on it, and I’ll be satisfied.”

I give the burger back to the worker. On his way to the kitchen, his manager stops him to talk, and he is visibly upset. The worker returns soon after.

Worker: “I am very sorry for that, sir. Here’s your burger. Have a good day.”

As I left the drive-thru window, I could faintly hear yelling from the kitchen. I checked the burger again and noticed that it had the lettuce and onion on it now, but it was still a triple. I’m fairly positive at that point that the manager made him upgrade my meal at no charge to make up for his stupidity in handling my order. I have not been back there since.

Tee-sing Your Coworkers

Coworkers, Jerk, USA, Video Game Store | Working | June 12, 2020


I am a shift lead at a fairly well-known video game store. Our company dress code says we should wear collared shirts or video-game-related tees, plain jeans or khakis, and some kind of close-toed shoe. As for shirts, our current boss prefers that we only wear collared shirts. I usually do both; I will wear a collared button-down over the gaming tee of my choice, but if I get too hot from running around the store doing my job, I’ll often swap to just the tee so I don’t pass out from heat exhaustion.

The following exchange occurs with a general associate on one of those occasions.

She is over an hour into her shift, speaking to a customer, looking over at me.

Associate: “Man, I wish I got to wear tee-shirts.”

I turn around to give her a long look, as she is wearing a floaty blouse, skinny jeans, and cowboy boots.

Me: “Really, [Associate]? Really?”

Associate: “You’re always wearing just tee shirts! I thought we were supposed to wear collared shirts.”

Me: “It does seem unfair when someone else isn’t following the dress code, doesn’t it?”

I’m not sure she ever caught on to the irony of her complaint

Fees For Days… 720 Of Them!

Billing, Cell Phone Store, Employees, Extra Stupid, Illinois, USA | Working | June 11, 2020


My phone has suddenly lost its speaker function, so I am looking to buy a cheap phone as soon as possible.

Employee #1 : “We don’t do contracts anymore; you just buy a phone at retail price and we bill for service.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the cheapest non-smartphone you have?”

Employee #1 : “We have this one for $99 and this for $199.”

Me: “What’s the difference?”

Employee #1 : “Uh…”

Employee #2 : “This one—” *pointing to the $199 phone* “—is heavier.”

Me: “And…?”

Employee #1 : “It’s heavier duty.”

Me: “Okay… I’ll take the $99 phone.”

Employee #1 : “Do you want to pay today, or use a twenty-four-month installmant plan?”

Me: “What’s the difference going to be?”

Employee #1 : “If we break it up over twenty-four months, you are protected in case the phone you get is a lemon, because you haven’t paid for it all yet!”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Employee #2 : “Yeah, if you pay for the phone in full before you leave the store, it voids the two-week return policy.”

Employee #1 : “So, if the phone is a lemon, you’re stuck!”

Me: “Wait, so you’re telling me that if you sell me a broken phone, if I pay for it all at once you won’t let me return it?”

Employee #1 : “No, because that voids the return policy.”

Me: “So, you can only return defective items if you haven’t paid for it yet?”

Employee #2 : “That’s right, so you should take the twenty-four-month plan.”

Me: “Okay… Well, do you charge interest or anything extra?”

Employee #2 : “Nope, just break it up into payments.”

I think paying it off slowly might be convenient.

Me: “Okay, let’s do it.”

Employee #1 : “Great, I’ll ring you up. So, with the Store Fee, that will be $129 plus tax.”

Me: “What ‘Store Fee’?”

Employee #1 : “It’s $30 to purchase a phone in the store.”

Employee #2 : “It’s because you are eligible to buy a new phone. You only have the $30 fee. If you weren’t eligible to buy a new phone we’d have to double the cost of your service fees!”

Me: “What? So there’s no contract, but I’m somehow ‘eligible’ to buy a phone at full retail price, as opposed to somehow… not being allowed to buy a phone? And for the privilege of buying a phone in your store, there’s a fee?”

Employee #1 : “It’s only $30.”

Employee #2 : “It seems like a lot because you’re buying a cheaper phone.”

Me: “Say I got my phone fixed or bought it somewhere else. Is there an activation fee to get it on my service plan?”

Employee #1 : “Um…”

Employee #2 : “No…”

Me: “All right, then.”

I left and found the $199 phone online for $79. And, much to my surprise, they were telling the truth; there was no activation fee. And I wasn’t charged $30 online for the privilege of buying a product!

Cashiers Who Can’t Handle Cash Keep NAR In Business

Alabama, At The Checkout, Convenience Store, Employees, Money, Non-Dialogue, USA | Working | June 11, 2020


Years ago, my grandfather owned a number of convenience stores. He hired and fired all kinds of crazy cashiers; the ones that stuck around for years might have been the craziest, but they were reliable. Every summer for years, I would be one of those cashiers; from the ages of fourteen to twenty, there I was every summer.

Since he usually had regular turnover, it wasn’t hard for him to find me a shift to work, but one year he was fully staffed; he was just miffed by one employee.

This one girl was great at all the assignments — stocking, cleaning, maintenance — but my grandfather noticed that he was going through a lot of rolls of dimes and pennies, and usually on her shifts. So, he decided to sort of watch her one day. It wasn’t until someone was owed $0.97 in change that he put it together.

Sure enough, this cashier gave the guy nine dimes and seven pennies as change.

He tried to teach her, but it didn’t stick.

Needless to say, he still found an opening for me that summer.

Tier One Will Leave You In Tears

Canada, Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Non-Dialogue, Tech Support | Working | June 11, 2020


Some days I worry about the course of our society.

I call a company for tech support on their product, as I’ve been having issues that I just can’t solve myself.

After the customary wait, and after sorting through a million phone choices designed to weed out those too inept or not stubborn enough to get a live person, I finally get someone to talk to.

Information is exchanged: name, date, rank, and serial number, status of the first born child, third moon of Jupiter’s equinox date. You know, the standard “tech support opening questions.”

Finally, what feels like a half-hour after starting the call, the tech support worker finally asks, “What is the problem?” and I explain it. Basically, I’m asking how to reboot a device.

The tech support on the other end pauses for a minute, hmms, and haas. Finally, I get this beauty of a comment.

“I’m sorry, you can’t do that. Nope, no way to do it. It’s impossible. Would you like me to look it up for you to find out if it can be done?”

No. No, I don’t want you to look it up. I called you, spent all this time trying to talk to you… No, I don’t want you to look it up. I’ll just sit here and talk to you for the charm of your personality, Mr. Tech Support Guy.

A quick transfer to someone higher up the chain and my problem is fixed, in less time than it took for tier one to ask me if “I wanted him to look up my issue.”

What A Bloody Nuisance

Coworkers, Employees, Health & Body, Office, Pranks, UK | Working | June 11, 2020


I have recurring nosebleeds which more or less start within fifteen minutes of noon. It’s so consistent that my file has a note against it that I should have my break around that time to avoid problems.

Today is no different, and I am running down the office with a tissue in hand in case of spillage. I run towards the toilet which is next to the staff room. A new employee leaves the staff room and glares at me. I try to say it’s just a nosebleed, but he full-on sprints out of the office, screaming, before I get the chance to.

As I walk past the staff room, I hear a couple of the women cackling.

Me: “What was that about?”

Woman #1 : “Get cleaned up and we’ll tell you.”

I’m back a few minutes later.

Woman #1 : “So, the new guy has been a bit of a b**** with everyone.”

Woman #2 : “He told HR this morning that I was bullying him. All I did was ask if he could photocopy something for me.”

Woman #1 : “So, we thought we’d get our own back. We knew you would be coming down, probably with a nosebleed, so we pretended to be demons.”

Me: “Okay…”

Woman #2 : “He didn’t believe us, so we pretended to smell virgin blood. He still didn’t believe us, so we told him to go check.”

Me: “So, you’ve used me to probably traumatise him?”

Woman #1 : “Well, when you put it like that, it sounds pretty harsh!”

They weren’t in any way guilty for it, but they did promise never to use me to their advantage again. I was going to tell HR at lunch, but the new employee had beat me to it, clocking on that it was probably a joke. [Woman #2 ] was dismissed and [Woman #1 ] suspended. The new employee still works here and he finds it funny now that he understands that I do actually get nosebleeds. He even feels guilty about [Woman #2 ], but not enough to help get her job back.

Hangry Husband Meets Witless Worker

Employees, Extra Stupid, Fast Food, Jerk, Texas, USA | Working | June 11, 2020


My husband and I have been moving boxes all day and haven’t eaten, so we’re already a little “hangry.” We pull up to the drive-thru of a quick, cheap fast food joint before he has to go to work.

At the speaker to order:

Employee #1 : “Hello, order when you’re ready.”

Husband: “Hello, I’d like—”

Employee #1 : “Oh, just one minute, please.”

Husband: “Oh, okay.”

Roughly two minutes pass before someone speaks again.

Employee #1 : “Sorry about that, what can I get—”

Employee #2 : “No, no, no. Just one moment!”

Maybe twenty seconds later:

Employee #2 : “Hello?”

Husband: “Hello.”

Employee #2 : “Okay, one moment.”

Employee #3 : “Hi there, what can I get for y—”

Employee #2 : “No! Just a moment.”

Another few minutes pass before we can finally put in our order.

Employee #2 : “Okay, okay. Hello?”

Husband: *Pause* “Hello.”

Employee #2 : “Okay.”

Husband: “May I order now?”

Employee #2 : “Yes. Okay, what do you want?”

Husband: “Thank you. I would like a [Meal], large, please, with a [Soda #1 ], two [Burgers], one [Chicken Sandwich], and a large [Soda #2 ].”

Employee #2 : “No chicken.”

Husband: “You don’t have any chicken?”

Employee #2 : “No. We’re out of chicken. What else?”

Husband: “Oh… I guess another [Burger], then.”

Employee #2 : “Okay. That’s [roughly $6 more than expected.]”

We pull forward and my husband pays, but I insist on checking the receipt. Sure enough, there is a [Chicken Sandwich Meal] that we did not order. We get to the pickup window and notify them, explaining to two employees that we were charged for something we didn’t order, when a third person comes over: [Employee #2 ] from the speaker, who also appears to be the manager.

Employee #2 : “Okay, so what’s wrong?”

My husband is a bit annoyed after having just told two other employees the same thing.

Husband: “We were charged for [Chicken Sandwich Meal], but we didn’t order it. You don’t even have any chicken.”

Employee #2 : “Okay. You didn’t want this?”

Husband: “No. We didn’t order it.”

Employee #2 : “You want the money back or you want the food?”

Husband: “I’d like the money back, please.”

Employee #2 : “You sure you don’t want me to get you the meal?”

Husband: “I didn’t order it, and you don’t have any chicken. As it is a chicken sandwich, you won’t be able to get it, and I don’t want it. Please, just give me the money back for it.”

Employee #2 : “Fine.”

We got our money back and got out of there, not bothering to mention it was twenty cents short and my fries were the wrong size and dumped upside down in the bag.

NOT What It Says On The Tin

Durban, Employees, Fast Food, Food & Drink, South Africa | Working | June 10, 2020


I walk into an Indian fast food cafe whose name is literally “Roti & Chai.”

Me: “I’ll have the prawn roti roll and a masala chai, please.”

Cashier: “Sorry, we don’t serve chai. Only [soda].”

Me: “But it’s in your name.”

An MBA Doesn’t Mean You Know How To Work Smarter Rather Than Harder

Employees, Extra Stupid, Factory, Instant Karma, Michigan, Non-Dialogue, USA | Working | June 10, 2020


This story was told to me by my father. In the 1990s, he worked for a machinery company in a supervisory position. One requirement of his job was to travel to different warehouses across the country to double-check on productivity. One such location was in Michigan, where the story takes place.

Our tale involves two specific workers. One, [Worker #1 ], did not graduate high school due to life circumstances and was a very efficient worker in his forties. The other, [Worker #2 ] was a recent MBA graduate who was rather… vocal about his accomplishments.

Part of the job was to pack order boxes with the specified machines or tools needed and then ship them off. These orders would come in large quantities at a time, all of them containing the same parts. Because of this, the company had a specific way of packing them. Each box had a pack list, and you were required to things in a certain order.

[Worker #1 ] would do the smart thing — having worked for the company for years — and load up his item cart with empty boxes, then march through the aisles and collect all of one item at once, per cartload. This way he only had to go to each product’s location in the warehouse once per cartload.

[Worker #1 2] decided one day that this wasn’t effective. He thought that because he “had an MBA” that he knew better than the guy who’d worked there for years, never mind that [Worker #2 ] also thought that [Worker #1 ]’s way was the slower to get more orders out at a time. [Worker #2 ] seemed to think that it would be faster to grab the items needed per one box at a time.

After a week of hearing [Worker #2 ] talk out his backside, Dad decided he’d had enough and made a bet with [Worker #2 ]. They would finally see who was faster, [Worker #2 ] or [Worker #1 ], and the loser would buy everyone on the shift the meal for the day. [Worker #1 ] was hesitant, because he couldn’t afford to buy that much food. My dad, knowing how this would turn out, told [Worker #1 ] he’d spot him if they were wrong.

There was no specific number decided on, just that the one who did the most would win and that the end time was lunch. They were each given a cart and a list of orders that needed to be fulfilled by the end of day, and the timer started.

[Worker #1 ] went off as he always did, cart full of twenty-five empty boxes, and went down the list of items per box. [Worker #2 ] went out with one box on his cart, loading it with the list before coming in and sending it down the line to be shipped. An hour passed, and [Worker #2 ] was running around like a headless chicken while [Worker #1 ] is just calm as can be with the second cart load completed.

For those keeping score, after the first hour, [Worker #1 ] had fifty done. [Worker #2 ] had five. By now, a few of the nearby workers had noticed and were keeping track, as well, taking part in snarking at [Worker #2 ] as he ran around and in general making fun of his pace, mostly as a means of payback for all the hassle he’d put on [Worker #1 ].

The lunch bell rang, and as everyone expected, [Worker #1 ] had beaten [Worker #2 ] handily. The ninety-eight he did were far better and prepped than the twenty-five [Worker #2 ] had completed.

Properly contrite, [Worker #2 ] was true to his word and paid for lunch for everyone on shift. Dad claims it’s the best meal he’s ever had

The Supervisor Isn’t All Here, Either

Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Hotel, USA | Working | June 10, 2020


I am just getting on shift at check-in time.

Supervisor: “Can you please go through the arrivals [paperwork] and make sure they’re all here?”

This means to make sure all the paperwork is printed out for the guests that haven’t checked in.

Me: “But if they’re in the arrivals, then that means they’re not here!”

My supervisor laughed at that longer than I expected.

The Hiring And Firing Of Captain Literal

Bad Behavior, Factory, New Hires, Non-Dialogue, The Netherlands | Working | June 10, 2020


This story is about getting fired before even starting. We have a production plant with several production lines and work 24/7 in three shifts a day. Every team consists of ten regulars and, when needed, we get some temporary employment to cover.

Because of the nature of our product, everything is always dirty and dusty. Our work environment is quite rough; therefore, the kind of people working as temps are not the most educated. We don’t care as long as they do their jobs.

We have an afternoon shift, and at the start of the shift, our supervisor comes to greet everybody, give instructions, and drink a cup of coffee together. The whole team is there with the new temp.

Hands are shaken and introductions being made. Then, the supervisor asks the new guy, “Where are you from?”

Immediately, the new guy, who is probably about eighteen, answers, “My mother’s c***.”

The supervisor looks at him and tells him there’s nothing to be done today and he can go home. The supervisor signs off his timesheet for one hour and we never see him again.

Bite My Shiny Metal Inconvenience!

Hospital, Jerk, Nurses, Students, USA | Working | June 10, 2020


My husband used to work as a maintenance man at a large university hospital before he took a better-paying job at a local military base. One of the most vexing parts of his job was dealing with the robots that the hospital uses to transport non-crucial items such as paperwork and supplies. The hospital policy was that the robots had priority use of the elevators over hourly service staff.

Once, my husband was trying to respond to an overflowing toilet in a hard to access part of the hospital and there were seven robots ahead of him for the elevator, thus rendering him unable to quickly reach the overflowing toilet. Apparently, the toilet had completely flooded the bathroom before my husband could reach the spill, which created a huge mess that took my husband and other maintenance team members half a day to clean up and put the bathroom back in service. My husband has had it out for the bots ever since.

It is worth noting that the bots are fairly stupid machines that are unable to easily move around objects in their path. My husband and the other maintenance workers love messing with the bots if they get a chance. They once placed a slalom path of cones set five feet apart to see if the bot would go around them. The bot stopped at the first cone and malfunctioned.

The following exchange happens when I have an appointment at the hospital and we decide to mess with one of the bots at the hospital.

Husband: *To me* “Jump in front of the bot and see what it does.”

I jump in front of the bot’s path and it stops dead in its tracks and starts beeping. My husband and I start laughing like hyenas at the bot as it recalibrates and moves on. As we are doing this, a nursing student walks by and starts yelling at us.

Nursing Student: “What did you do to the robot?! You are hindering hospital operations! I am going to call security and have you both arrested!”

Me: “Arrested for what? A practical joke that did no harm? My husband used to be a maintenance man for [Hospital] and those bots hindered the operations of his job all the time!”

The nursing student sees a member of security, literally grabs him by the arm, and pulls him over to us.

Nursing Student: “These people—” *pointing at us* “—are hindering hospital operations by messing with the robot! You need to arrest them and ban them from the hospital!”

My husband actually knows this security guard very well.

Security Guard: “Hi, [Husband]! How is the new job? What is this young lady mad at you for?”

We explain that we were just messing with the bot. The security guard relates that the bots frustrate him and all of the other blue-collar workers at the hospital due to the fact that the hospital values the bots more than their service workers.

Security Guard: *To the nursing student* “Miss, I can’t arrest these people for annoying the bot. They didn’t vandalize the bot or hinder operations. The bot took a minute to recalibrate and it moved on; the bot is fine! Leave these people alone!”

The nursing student starts sputtering and accusing the security guard of being in collusion with us.

Nursing Student: “But the robots are more important than you low-level workers! The robots cost more than your measly salaries!”

The security guard is obviously annoyed.

Security Guard: “Leave now or I will have you arrested for breach of peace!”

The nursing student begrudgingly moved on and the security guard asked my husband if there were any job openings for security at the military base that my husband works at. My husband contacted HR at the base and put in a good word for him, and within a month, our security guard friend has a much better job working as a security guard at the military base. Why [Hospital] thought that robots were more important than actual human workers is beyond me!

Not What They Meant By “Ground” Beef

Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Health & Body, Safety, Sandwich Shop, USA | Working | June 9, 2020


I work at a sandwich shop. We prep some things so if we run out during the day we can easily replace it during the day. My coworker is prepping meatballs, which are stored in a large container with lots of sauce. He goes to the back to store them in the fridge when I hear a loud thud. He walks back out with a look of anger and sadness on his face and from the waist down he’s covered in sauce.

Me: “Oh, no.”

Coworker #1 : “Yeah, it’s a mess. Dropped the whole thing on the floor.”

We both go to grab stuff to clean while another coworker looks at us.

Coworker #2 : “Did the meatballs get on the floor?”

Coworker #1 : “Yeah?”

Coworker #2 : “Then pick them up and put more sauce in the bin; they’re fine.”

Me: “What? We are not serving people meatballs that have been on the floor of a walk-in fridge!”

Coworker #2 : “It’s not like there are cameras in there!”

I just walked away in horror and helped clean up the meatballs — which we put in the trash. I’m just scared about what she served to customers when I wasn’t there.

It Works Better When You, You Know, Listen!

Colorado, Employees, Extra Stupid, Fast Food, Ignoring & Inattentive, USA | Working | June 9, 2020


I don’t think I’ve ever had as much trouble ordering food as I did a couple of days ago. I’m starving, it’s late in the afternoon, and I didn’t have a chance to eat earlier. After a long day of appointments and running errands, I stop at a national chain fast food restaurant but a location I don’t frequent. The drive-thru is closed for maintenance so I park and go inside to the counter to order.

The conversation goes something like this

Me: “I’d like to place a takeout order, please?”

Cashier: “Okay, go ahead.”

Me: “I’d like a bacon cheeseburger combo, with the side salad instead of fries, and lemonade to drink. Ranch dressing for the salad; also, please add lettuce and tomato to the burger?”

Cashier: “What size?”

Me: “Medium.”

Cashier: “That’s a large [combo with a plain cheeseburger] with fries and a salad and [soda that’s lemon-lime flavored]. Is that all?”

Me: “That’s not correct. The burger should be a bacon cheeseburger. No fries, just the salad, and a lemonade to drink. And medium, not large.”

Cashier: “Okay, so, a bacon cheeseburger with a side salad and lemonade?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right, with lettuce and tomato added to the burger.”

Cashier: “Another burger with lettuce and tomato?”

Me: “No, I want the vegetables on the bacon cheeseburger I ordered already.”

Cashier: “What do you mean, ‘vegetables’?”

Me: “Lettuce and tomatoes?”

Cashier: “Okay, I think I have it now; a large [plain cheeseburger combo], a medium [bacon cheeseburger combo], and a plain burger with lettuce, onions, and tomatoes?”

Me: “That’s not right at all! Can you just void the whole order and start over, please?”

Cashier: “Well, I’m trying! Just a minute.”

After starting over, she has the order right, I think, as she reads it back correctly.

Cashier: “Is that for here or to go?”

Me: “To go.”

Cashier: “And a name for the order, please?

I give her my name and pay, she gives me my receipt, and I check to be sure I’ve been correctly charged, and I have. I don’t notice the name she entered.

A couple of minutes later:

Cashier: “Order for [Not My Name]!”

It’s “off” hours, between lunch and dinner, and I’m the only customer in the restaurant not sitting at a table eating.

Me: “Is that mine?”

Cashier: “Oh, sorry; I couldn’t spell your name.”

It’s a common but easy to misspell name, so it’s not hard to mess up, but she wasn’t even close.

The food is on a tray, not in a bag, and includes both fries and the side salad. The drink is lemon-lime soda instead of lemonade, and the dressing was Italian, not ranch. The burger has lettuce, tomato, and onion, but no cheese or bacon.

It takes involving the manager, but I finally have, in takeout bags, the right food, plus “complimentary” freshly made fries that I didn’t order, and lemonade, upgraded to a large.

As I turn to walk out the door…

Manager: “Thanks for coming in, [Not My Name]. See you again soon.”

Me: *In my head* “Not likely!”

Those Things Aren’t Mutually Exclusive, But They Should Probably Have Checked

Jerk, New Hires, Retail, UK | Working | June 9, 2020


I am the manager of a clothing store. I have come in for the starting shift; however, my car had difficulty starting so I am late. I am at the side entrance for employees only and have been knocking for some time. There are only two keys for this entrance, which is split between the four managers, and I unfortunately took a short straw. I can see someone through the slits in the window, but it seems they are completely ignoring me. I phone the duty manager who is on the same shift.

This is what happens on the other side of the door.

Duty Manager: “[New Start], the store manager is at the door. Can you let her in?”

New Start: “I can’t. Some crazy old hag is out there banging. I think she’s going to kill us.”

After a pause, the duty manager comes and lets me in.

Duty Manager: “[New Start], this is [My Name]: the crazy old hag who also happens to be the store manager.”

While I can appreciate his concern for safety, his attitude didn’t improve towards his colleagues and the customers. He was let go after his induction period.

Not What They Meant By “Ground” Beef

Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Health & Body, Safety, Sandwich Shop, USA | Working | June 9, 2020


I work at a sandwich shop. We prep some things so if we run out during the day we can easily replace it during the day. My coworker is prepping meatballs, which are stored in a large container with lots of sauce. He goes to the back to store them in the fridge when I hear a loud thud. He walks back out with a look of anger and sadness on his face and from the waist down he’s covered in sauce.

Me: “Oh, no.”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, it’s a mess. Dropped the whole thing on the floor.”

We both go to grab stuff to clean while another coworker looks at us.

Coworker #2: “Did the meatballs get on the floor?”

Coworker #1: “Yeah?”

Coworker #2: “Then pick them up and put more sauce in the bin; they’re fine.”

Me: “What? We are not serving people meatballs that have been on the floor of a walk-in fridge!”

Coworker #2: “It’s not like there are cameras in there!”

I just walked away in horror and helped clean up the meatballs — which we put in the trash. I’m just scared about what she served to customers when I wasn’t there.

It Works Better When You, You Know, Listen!

Colorado, Employees, Extra Stupid, Fast Food, Ignoring & Inattentive, USA | Working | June 9, 2020


I don’t think I’ve ever had as much trouble ordering food as I did a couple of days ago. I’m starving, it’s late in the afternoon, and I didn’t have a chance to eat earlier. After a long day of appointments and running errands, I stop at a national chain fast food restaurant but a location I don’t frequent. The drive-thru is closed for maintenance so I park and go inside to the counter to order.

The conversation goes something like this

Me: “I’d like to place a takeout order, please?”

Cashier: “Okay, go ahead.”

Me: “I’d like a bacon cheeseburger combo, with the side salad instead of fries, and lemonade to drink. Ranch dressing for the salad; also, please add lettuce and tomato to the burger?”

Cashier: “What size?”

Me: “Medium.”

Cashier: “That’s a large [combo with a plain cheeseburger] with fries and a salad and [soda that’s lemon-lime flavored]. Is that all?”

Me: “That’s not correct. The burger should be a bacon cheeseburger. No fries, just the salad, and a lemonade to drink. And medium, not large.”

Cashier: “Okay, so, a bacon cheeseburger with a side salad and lemonade?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right, with lettuce and tomato added to the burger.”

Cashier: “Another burger with lettuce and tomato?”

Me: “No, I want the vegetables on the bacon cheeseburger I ordered already.”

Cashier: “What do you mean, ‘vegetables’?”

Me: “Lettuce and tomatoes?”

Cashier: “Okay, I think I have it now; a large [plain cheeseburger combo], a medium [bacon cheeseburger combo], and a plain burger with lettuce, onions, and tomatoes?”

Me: “That’s not right at all! Can you just void the whole order and start over, please?”

Cashier: “Well, I’m trying! Just a minute.”

After starting over, she has the order right, I think, as she reads it back correctly.

Cashier: “Is that for here or to go?”

Me: “To go.”

Cashier: “And a name for the order, please?

I give her my name and pay, she gives me my receipt, and I check to be sure I’ve been correctly charged, and I have. I don’t notice the name she entered.

A couple of minutes later:

Cashier: “Order for [Not My Name]!”

It’s “off” hours, between lunch and dinner, and I’m the only customer in the restaurant not sitting at a table eating.

Me: “Is that mine?”

Cashier: “Oh, sorry; I couldn’t spell your name.”

It’s a common but easy to misspell name, so it’s not hard to mess up, but she wasn’t even close.

The food is on a tray, not in a bag, and includes both fries and the side salad. The drink is lemon-lime soda instead of lemonade, and the dressing was Italian, not ranch. The burger has lettuce, tomato, and onion, but no cheese or bacon.

It takes involving the manager, but I finally have, in takeout bags, the right food, plus “complimentary” freshly made fries that I didn’t order, and lemonade, upgraded to a large.

As I turn to walk out the door…

Manager: “Thanks for coming in, [Not My Name]. See you again soon.”

Me: *In my head* “Not likely!”

Those Things Aren’t Mutually Exclusive, But They Should Probably Have Checked

Jerk, New Hires, Retail, UK | Working | June 9, 2020


I am the manager of a clothing store. I have come in for the starting shift; however, my car had difficulty starting so I am late. I am at the side entrance for employees only and have been knocking for some time. There are only two keys for this entrance, which is split between the four managers, and I unfortunately took a short straw. I can see someone through the slits in the window, but it seems they are completely ignoring me. I phone the duty manager who is on the same shift.

This is what happens on the other side of the door.

Duty Manager: “[New Start], the store manager is at the door. Can you let her in?”

New Start: “I can’t. Some crazy old hag is out there banging. I think she’s going to kill us.”

After a pause, the duty manager comes and lets me in.

Duty Manager: “[New Start], this is [My Name]: the crazy old hag who also happens to be the store manager.”

While I can appreciate his concern for safety, his attitude didn’t improve towards his colleagues and the customers. He was let go after his induction period

Some Managers Need More Training On Being Human

Bosses & Owners, Canada, Jerk, New Hires, Vet | Working | June 9, 2020


After graduating from college in the vet field, I am hired at a twenty-four-hour vet clinic as a receptionist in the next city over. Because I rely on public transportation, the travel is a nightmare, to say the least; I have to leave three hours before my shifts to make all my connections and as it’s almost winter at this time, the weather is miserable. I suck it up, as it’s a full-time position with a good wage and benefits.

I tell the managers who interview me that this will be my first clinic job and as such, I will need to be trained properly to make up for my lack of experience. They tell me this won’t be an issue and say, “You’re exactly what we’re looking for.”

Little did I know how wrong that was.

On my first day:

Manager #1 : “We’re going to start your training today. You have to go to [Website] and watch the videos that [Manager #2 ] sent you in an email. Here is all your login information. You also have to read our policies and procedures and sign off when you’re done.”

She leaves and I start reading. A little while later, [Manager #2 ] comes in and sits at the opposite desk. She’s looking over my shoulder a bit but I don’t say anything and just continue what I’m doing. It gets a bit awkward, as I don’t have headphones to watch the videos and she keeps commenting on things as I’m going through them. In the end, I do six hours of this and only finish half of the first module of training.

Me: “Do you want me to do more at home? I only got this much done.”

Manager #2 : *Waves me off* “Don’t worry about that; you’ll be able to finish the rest of it this week. See you tomorrow!”

I come in the next day to find out I’m not doing more training, but being placed on the front desk with [Manager #1 ]. I’m a little nervous, as I haven’t even touched the vet software before, but I decide I’ll do my best. Throughout the day, it’s clear that [Manager #1 ] wants me to get as familiar as possible to the front desk so I can work by myself or with another receptionist. I’m asked to answer phones, make appointments, and answer client questions: all things I haven’t been trained on yet.

Basically, the day goes like this:

Manager #1 : “Okay, this client wants to buy [Brand] food. Let’s ring them up.”

I search the food catalogue to find that there are twenty [Brand] items to pick from.

Me: “Okay, so that’s one [Brand] item, at [weight], correct?”

Manager #1 : “No, it’s under [Another Name that isn’t the brand], see? You have to search by the other name to find it.”

Me: “Can I ask why is it under a completely different name?”

Manager #1 : “That’s just how the system is; you have to search our products by term, not by name. So, if you need renal food, search ‘renal,’ or ‘kidney,’ and scroll until you find it.”

Me: “I understand, but that seems confusing to me. If I just search that, I’ll get results for other products that aren’t food, which makes me look through more things.”

Manager #1 : “Don’t worry; you’ll get used to it. Just remember to use terms, not names.”

I struggle with the system and I also have some issues with the other staff. Our veterinarians, vet techs, and vet assistants all stay in the back room to do their tasks; however, they seem very annoyed that I am asking questions. Every time I ask for clarification, they look at me like I have three heads and then very condescendingly give me an answer, like I’m a child. Or they just don’t help me at all and say, “Figure it out.”

I’m a rather shy person and I don’t like to just start talking to people without saying, “Excuse me,” and the like, which apparently makes it worse, resulting in me awkwardly waiting until people are finished their conversations. Example:

I’m patiently waiting until the technician is done speaking to another coworker.

The tech stops talking and notices me, then says abruptly:

Tech: “What is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to butt in. I was wondering if I could ask you a question if you have a moment?”

Tech: *Sighs* “What do you need?”

I’m starting to feel embarrassed.

Me: “I’m on the phone with a client who wants to bring her dog in for a booster vaccine, and your schedule is getting pretty full. The next opening I have is right before you do rounds for the hospitalized patients, so I wanted to ask if I could—”

Tech: *Interrupting* “Yeah, put her in. You don’t have to ask me that.”

Me: *Taken aback* “Okay, I just wanted to clarify before scheduling her in—”

The tech goes back to talking to someone else.

Every. Time.

I do this a few more times with the same results, and then decide to not ask before changing it to see if they say anything. True enough, the next time I schedule a tech appointment, I get chastised for not confirming with them. Seeing as I can’t win either way, I continue to ask them whenever I make a schedule change.

This goes on for about a month and my motivation is quickly depleting. I never do get back to training. I get talked down to and yelled at for incredibly small things, such as not putting whiteboard markers back in the exact same place when someone needs them even if there are multiple available.

On top of this, my shifts are also changing from morning to night, which I initially didn’t have an issue with, but now I’ve been exclusively working 4:00 pm to 12:00 am and it’s wearing down on me. It’s made travel a lot harder; I live with my parents, so thankfully, my dad agrees to drive me home at twelve since no buses run that late, but he’s getting fed up with it. It’s worthy to note that I do have problems with anxiety and this job is making it skyrocket. When I’m approaching thirty days of employment, my managers ask to meet with me for an evaluation.

Manager #1 : “This is your thirty-day evaluation. We’re just going to talk about your performance and ask a couple of questions, okay?”

Manager #2 : “Can you tell us your thoughts on how you think you’re doing?”

Me: “Well… to be honest, I am struggling with a few things. I’m getting used to the system and routine of things, but I find the technicians and vets are not very nice to me. I admit that sounds childish, but it feels like I’m bothering them when asking questions. The only reason I talk to them so much is to make sure I’m doing things correctly and so I won’t have to ask next time. I know I’m supposed to help them as much as possible to make things easier for them, but I need to ask questions in order to do so. I am talked down to and chastised constantly and I can’t seem to do anything right for them.”

Manager #1 : “Well, you know, when there’s a lot of women working in one place—”

We’re all female excluding one male vet.

Manager #1 : “—we can get kind of catty. They may seem like that, but they’re really nice and caring people when you get to know them.”

I’m a little shocked by this, as I don’t think it’s right to say that in order to excuse their behaviour, but I don’t press it.

Manager #2 : “We’ve noticed you are having a hard time with some of the day-to-day duties. The other receptionists say you don’t pull your weight.”

Me: *Shocked* “I— What? I don’t understand. I don’t have any issues with that! I take out the garbage, mop and sweep, clean the exam rooms—”

Manager #2 : “Well, the girls feel that you don’t help out as much as they would like. They shouldn’t have to tell you to do these things.”

Me: “I’m not sure I follow. I offer to do tasks when it’s slow and I check in with them to see if there are other things that need to be done, if that’s what you mean? I just wanted to be sure we’re all on the same page with what we’re doing.”

Manager #2 : “We’re also thinking about the next couple of months ahead. You take the bus here, so what will happen during winter when the weather is bad? We need to know you’ll have a way to get here. We are remodeling for the next year and it’s going to get even busier and we’re concerned you won’t be able to keep up.”

Me: “I’m concerned, as well, since I haven’t finished my training yet. I’ve asked both of you when I can resume that but it never happened. I really think I need to finish the training.”

Manager #2 : “We don’t think it will help you improve at this point.”

Manager #1 : “We’re concerned with your performance. We need you to be up to standards that everyone else is at. If you can’t do that, you need to rethink your position here.”

I almost have a panic attack right then and there, but I manage to keep it in until the meeting is over and have an attack in the bathroom. This is also near the beginning of my shift, so I have a miserable time the rest of the day and night trying to keep it together.

I’m sure I’m going to be fired soon, so I go home and talk to my parents. They’re not much help and just say, “Keep your head up and do your work,” but in my mind, I’ve already been fired and let everyone down. I barely sleep that night and do my next two eight-hour shifts over the weekend, but I feel I’m doing so poorly that I want to walk out.

On my next day off, I seriously consider what I want to do. I haven’t been sleeping at all and when I do, I dream of being at work. I think about work when I’m off and when I’m hanging out with people. I’m obsessing over it and the fact that I’m not doing well, and it’s making my anxiety go out of control. I finally decide that, for the sake of my mental health, I have to quit. I walk into the clinic the next day with my company shirt and name tag.

Me: “[Manager #1 ], I’ve been considering what we’ve discussed and I’ve decided that at this time, this position is not right for me. I’d like to resign.”

She doesn’t look the least bit surprised and just takes my things and walks out. [Manager #2 ] walks in.

Manager #2 : “So, you’re leaving us?”

Me: “Yes. I don’t think this is the best place for me right now.”

Manager #2 : *Shrugs* “Well, it’s understandable. This is a really busy clinic and not everyone is suited to it.”

I wanted to scream “I don’t care that it’s busy! This is about you not doing your job to help me succeed!” but I bit my lip and left for good.

I heard an interesting story about the clinic later: apparently, I was hired after a previous receptionist left for another job, but once I started, she asked for her job back and returned to her normal hours. I’m pretty sure this was their way of slowly pushing me to quit because they either couldn’t afford another new receptionist or they didn’t need me. Maybe both.

My thoughts were confirmed when I saw they never relisted the position on job sites. Now I have no reference for the time I was there and it’s a huge eyesore on my resume. It’s making me reconsider if I even want to stay in the field.

He’s Lucky Barney Fife Wasn’t There

Canada, Coffee Shop, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Vancouver, Wild & Unruly | Working | June 9, 2020


I’m working on set as an assistant director on a TV series. Part of my job is to keep the cast happy, and that sometimes includes getting coffee for them. One episode has us spending days across from a coffee shop that I frequent many times during our time there. A few days in, one of the actors — who is playing a guest-star bad guy — asks to come with me and I shrug sure.

As we enter the tiny, independent establishment, two patrons sitting lazily at tables, I approach the woman behind the counter who’s served me often before and her face suddenly changes to shock and horror as she looks over my shoulder.

I turn to see that my actor has pulled his massive prop gun from under his coat.

Actor: “This is a holdup!”

I leap at him, pressing the gun to his rather large chest — I’m a woman and not even close to his size — and yell:

Me: “No, no, no! He’s with me! This is not a holdup!”

I push him to the door, the gun still to his chest, kind of pointing at one of the patrons. Everyone is standing now and I can’t get him out the door myself, but he gives up his “joke” and heads outside.

Me: “What is wrong with you? Get back to the prop department and give them your gun!”

The actor slinks off and I turn back to everyone still in the small shop.

Me: “I am so sorry. I had no idea he brought his gun.”

The barista knew that what happened wasn’t my fault and took my order. The two patrons calmed down pretty quickly as it was really obvious that we were filming shoot-outs across the road, and they went back to their drinks.

The actor and I never talked about the incident, but who in their right mind thinks that waving a huge gun around in public is a good idea?

Welcome To The Inconvenience Store

Convenience Store, Coworkers, Illinois, Lazy/Unhelpful, Non-Dialogue, Police, Time, USA | Working | June 8, 2020


While in college, I work from 5:00 pm to 1:00 am at a 24/7 gas station by myself. The person that works the shift following mine is supposed to come in at 12:30 am to take over the register while I count out my drawer and complete shift paperwork before clocking out.

Unfortunately, the person that most frequently works that shift tends to be fifteen to forty-five minutes late. This isn’t a major issue because, on average, it only takes me ten to fifteen minutes to complete my drawer count and paperwork, and if there aren’t any customers around, I can pull my drawer while I wait for my coworker to get in.

One night, she calls me around 12:30 to let me know she is running late. She either overslept or had to mediate some argument between her daughter and husband; these were the usual excuses and I can’t remember which happened this time. At this point, she has to shower and get dressed before leaving her house and ends up not getting in until almost 3:00 am. This is annoying, of course, as I have homework to do and classes to get up for the next day. It also ends up causing panic for my roommate.

The store I work for has a strict no-cell-phones policy; if the cameras catch me with my phone I will be fired on the spot. I can use the store phone, but I don’t have my roommate’s number memorized so I have no way of notifying him that I am running late. I assume he’ll either be asleep or realize it is a case of my usual coworker issues. I am wrong.

Not long before my coworker finally arrives, my roommate realizes I am unusually late and attempts to call my cell phone several times. When I don’t answer, instead of looking up my store number, he looks up the number for the police department in town and calls there to have someone check on me. In his worry, that makes sense, but it causes an escalation of events.

I have established a friendship with several of the officers in town that work the night shift. As I am a young woman working alone at night, they make an effort to check on me at least once per night, more often if they have time, sometimes opting to take their breaks at my store to keep an eye on things.

This relationship, combined with the fact that my roommate didn’t think to mention he’d only called my cell phone and the officer that responded assuming the store was called, results in an officer I know well speeding into the parking lot with lights flashing just after 3:00 am. He parks in front of the door, runs into the store, not even closing his car door behind him, sees me safe behind the counter, and starts shouting at me, “Answer your g**d*** phone! Your roommate is worried! I have four squad cars on the way; what the h*** are you doing here?!”

He promptly runs to his car to call off his backup while my recently arrived coworker and I share confused looks.

It is nice to know people are looking out for me, but it certainly makes for a startling end to my very long shift. Moving forward, I have made sure to have my roommate’s number readily available and I have given him my store number for emergencies.

Not Making Any Good Connections

Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, New Hires, New Jersey, Tech Support, USA | Working | June 8, 2020


I’m currently having issues with my Internet; everything we have access to has already been reset, cables checked, all the first-run tech solutions. It’s time to do the most dreaded task known to man: call tech support.

After a forty-five-minute hold, I finally get through to talk to someone. It doesn’t help that his accent is so thick it’s actually impressive; I’m only including it because it may partially explain the problems we have. I explain my problem.

Tech #1 : “Okay, is your phone and television also having problems?”

Me: “No, my TV’s fine and I’m talking to you on my phone.”

Tech #1 : “Not your cell phone, sir, your home phone.”

Me: *Pause* “I’m talking to you on my home phone, not my cell phone.”

Tech #1 : “Okay, well, I will need to be resetting your FIOS box. Are you knowing to do that?”

Me: “Technically, but it’s in a storage closet and it would take forever to get to. Also, that will kick us from this call.”

Tech #1 : “No, sir, resetting your FIOS box will not disconnect your cell phone.”

Me: “I already told you. I’m not on my cell phone; I’m on my landline. I only have a landline because my apartment has terrible cell service and I can’t make calls on it while inside.”

Tech #1 : “Okay, sir, I am understanding, but I am needing to reset your FIOS box, which I can do remotely without affecting your cell phone. Can you please stay on the line with me while I do this?”

Me: “No, because the landline goes through the FIOS box, and I will get disconnected.”

Tech #1 : “I assure you again, sir, y—”

And that is when his signal to reset the box goes through, and — shocker — it disconnects the call. Two minutes later, my phone’s back up and I call back, this time waiting nearly an hour. The new tech has a different, much lighter accent.

Tech #2 : “I see you already have an open ticket; are you calling about the same problem?”

Me: “Yes, I am, and the last tech I talked with reset my FIOS box disconnecting my call and now I had to wait another hour to talk to someone.”

Tech #2 : “I am very sorry for that, sir. I can see in our system there is actually a network outage in your area; crews are already working on it.”

Me: “That makes sense. Thank you for letting me know… Please tell me this isn’t a two-hours-old issue that the last guy just never looked up?”

Tech #2 : “I’m sorry, sir, my system does not show exactly when it started, but… Oh, dear.”

Me: “Well, that doesn’t sound good!”

Tech #2 : “No, I am sorry. I just looked up the record and your last technician is still in training; he should not have taken a call on his own yet.”

Me: *Pause* “Gooood, and let me guess you probably shouldn’t be telling me that, either?”

Tech #2 : *Pause* “Isthereanythingelse Icanhelpyouwithtoday sir?”

I burst out laughing; I needed that after the last two hours of annoyance. I also did take the survey you always get via email for once, saying that [Tech #2 ] was great, but [Tech #1 ] needed to be trained how to actually listen to and comprehend the customers.

Pizza Guys Should Run The World

Bosses & Owners, Canada, Jerk, Manitoba, Office, Winnipeg | Working | June 8, 2020


I am a member of my company’s social committee. The head of the social committee decides to have a company-wide Pizza Day, and I agree to organize it. I am told what to order and what my budget will be.

I decide to order from a local chain that is pretty decent. Unbeknownst to me, this particular chain has a deal on its extra-large pizzas – if you order over a certain number, you get a discount, and the more you order, the bigger the discount. I am ordering a LOT, and the discount is substantial.

When Pizza Day arrives, one poor restaurant employee delivers every single box by himself, which means multiple trips out to his car and up the elevator. He looks tired and stressed at the end, and on impulse, I add an extra $20 to his tip. Even with that in mind, we’ve still saved a lot of money, and I have come in well under budget. The look of joy on the guy’s face is well worth it.

A week later, I speak with the head of the social committee.

Head: “Why did you tip the pizza guy so much?”

I explain.

Head: “That doesn’t matter! You cost the company money!”

Me: “How do you figure? I spent less than our original budget.”

Head: “It’s not like delivering pizza is difficult! He didn’t deserve an extra $20!”

I feel sorry for anyone who delivers food to this guy.

Hold The Tomatoes And Your Bad Attitude

Employees, Jerk, Liars/Scammers, New York, Restaurant, USA | Working | June 8, 2020


My friends and I are eating at a restaurant where you order at the counter, and then you get a little number and they bring the food out to your table. I order a sandwich that normally comes with tomato. I ask them to leave the tomato off, and when I get my receipt, there is a big “NO TOMATO” printed on it right under the sandwich.

However, when the meal gets dropped off, there are tomatoes in the sandwich. Not a big deal. I ask for no tomatoes because I dislike the taste, not because I’m allergic or anything. So, I open the top, pull off the tomato slices, and set them to the side. As I do so, the waitress gets a snobby look on her face.

Waitress: “You know, you can ask for no tomatoes so you aren’t wasting food.”

I smile a little and try to be polite.

Me: “Yes. I did, but the cook must have missed it.”

The waitress rolls her eyes and apparently ignores me.

Waitress: “Just ask at the register, and they’ll take it off.”

I’m still trying to smile.

Me: “I. Did.”

I hold up my receipt and point to the large “NO TOMATO” printed on it.

The waitress jerks back like I shouted at her and hurries off. I am hoping that will be the end of it, but not even two minutes later, a manager comes bustling up to my table.

Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Manager: “I have a waitress crying in the back after you shouted at her because you don’t like what you ordered. That is—”

Me: “No, I—”

Manager: “Sir, I—”

Me: “No!”

I slam my hand on the table, which gets him to stop talking.

Me: “I am going to explain what actually happened, and everyone here can tell you who’s telling the truth.”

I point at my sandwich.

Me: “I ordered my sandwich without tomato, but it came with tomato, so I was picking it off.”

I point toward the kitchen.

Me: “Your waitress started mocking me and telling me that I should have asked for no tomato.”

I hold up the receipt again.

Me: “I showed her that I did, in fact, ask for no tomato.”

I point toward the kitchen again.

Me: “She then ran off, I’m guessing to cry to you about me ‘being mean’ to her.”

The manager and I have a bit of a stare-off, while everyone else looks around, feeling awkward. I would, too, but I am just so annoyed at the fact that the waitress decided to make such a big deal about me picking off the tomatoes.

The manager looks around and gets nods from the friends I am eating with and a couple of people at other tables before finally looking back at me. The manager sounds like he is biting a lemon when he speaks.

Manager: “I’m sorry for the mixup, sir.”

He then heads to the back while the rest of us finish our meal. It is awkwardly silent for a bit before one of my friends pipes up.

Friend: “Imagine what would have happened if you asked them to hold the pickles.”

We were able to laugh at that, and we finished up without any more fuss, but I’m certainly not in a hurry to eat at that particular restaurant again.

It’s Not Paranoia If They’re Really Out To Get You

Australia, Bizarre, Employees, Food & Drink, Restaurant, Sydney | Working | June 8, 2020


My family and I are eating out at a restaurant in celebration for my brother’s eighteenth birthday. It’s all-you-can-eat, and some of the food you cook for yourself at your table.

We are eating and when suddenly my Nonno — grandpa — falls backward on his chair, pushing the table behind him and scratching his knee on the grill holder under it. He is unharmed and is quick to get up. A worker rushes over.

Worker: “Are you okay?!”

Nonno: “Yes, I think I had too much wine!”

We keep eating and my brother keeps going after we’re done; he picked up too much food but there is a rule that you have to pay an extra $10 if you waste any food. He is wearing out the grill which is powered by hot coals, and hot oil begins to spray up like a blowhole. The same worker comes and quickly takes all the parts away

Uncle: “I don’t think the restaurant likes us today!”

It’s Not Paranoia If They’re Really Out To Get You

Australia, Bizarre, Employees, Food & Drink, Restaurant, Sydney | Working | June 8, 2020


My family and I are eating out at a restaurant in celebration for my brother’s eighteenth birthday. It’s all-you-can-eat, and some of the food you cook for yourself at your table.

We are eating and when suddenly my Nonno — grandpa — falls backward on his chair, pushing the table behind him and scratching his knee on the grill holder under it. He is unharmed and is quick to get up. A worker rushes over.

Worker: “Are you okay?!”

Nonno: “Yes, I think I had too much wine!”

We keep eating and my brother keeps going after we’re done; he picked up too much food but there is a rule that you have to pay an extra $10 if you waste any food. He is wearing out the grill which is powered by hot coals, and hot oil begins to spray up like a blowhole. The same worker comes and quickly takes all the parts away

Uncle: “I don’t think the restaurant likes us today

Shut Up And Stop Giving Us Your Money!

Billing, Coworkers, Money, Office, The Netherlands | Working | June 7, 2020


I work in an office and I suddenly hear:

Coworker: “STOP PAYING US!”

The words are followed by a loud scream of frustration. I walk to my coworker.

Me: “Eh, [Coworker], everything all right?”

Coworker: “Yes, yes, I’m sorry. It’s just… [Client] made an automatic payment and they accidentally made multiple, so we keep on receiving money and we keep on sending it back. They thought they managed to cancel all transactions, but I guess another one slipped through.”

Me: “Eesh, how many did we receive?”

The coworker looks at her screen and counts.

Coworker: “Nine.”

Me: “Well, eh… Let’s hope this was the last one. Good luck.”

A week later, my coworker screams again.

Coworker: “Yes! They stopped paying us! Finally!”