Health Care stories

I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa
RESTAURANT, STUPID, TIME, USA | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 16, 2009
(It is our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there are still customers seated in the dining room. Unfortunately, this means people are free to wander in, even though we can’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple comes in after we are closed.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.”

Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?”

The Price Is Always Right
AT THE CHECKOUT, AUCKLAND, INSTANT KARMA, MONEY, NEW ZEALAND, RETAIL, SALES | RIGHT | MARCH 10, 2011
(I put a customer’s purchase through. The computer automatically discounts the purchase from $35 to $29.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, you’ve made some mistake. The price isn’t correct on the screen.”

Me: “Yes, there’s actually a discount on some of your items.”

Customer: “No. I added the prices as I went around. I’m very good at maths, and you’ve processed the sale wrong.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m confused. You would rather pay the full price?”

Customer: “Give me your manager.”

(My manager has overheard most of this.)

Manager: “Can I help?”

Customer: “Your staff has processed my sale completely wrong. I demand that you correct this.”

Manager: “Of course.” *bumps the price up* “The price is $35, ma’am.”

Customer: *glowering in my direction* “Didn’t hurt, did it?”

The Strong Arm Of The Law
VIDEO GAME STORE | RIGHT | JUNE 25, 2012
(Our store buys used video games to resell. It’s not uncommon for people to try to sell stolen merchandise, so we have a “bad trader” list. Two teens walk in, and one of them is on our list. I recognize them immediately.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [store name]. How can I help you?”

Customer #1 : “Yeah, I want to trade some games in.”

(Customer #1 hands me a stack of games, but it’s just discs…no cases.)

Me: “Are you over 18 with a valid picture ID?”

Customer #1 : “No, but he is.”

Customer #2 : *hands me his ID*

(I quickly look through the games. I take Customer #2 ’s ID and verify he is on our bad trader list.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t take these.”

Customer #1 : “Man, why not?!”

Me: “We just don’t need these in stock right now.”

Customer #1 : *getting aggressive* “I trade in here all time! You gotta take my games. There ain’t nothin wrong with ’em!”

Me: *stalling* “We can’t take them. I can check the computer and tell you what they’re worth, but I can’t take them.”

Customer #1 : “Okay, yeah…check ’em.”

(While I’m checking the games, a really big, burly guy walks in.)

Burly Guy: *to me* “Ma’am, don’t give them any money for those games! I saw them steal those games from [retailer] across the street and take them out out of their packaging before coming in here.”

(At this point, Customer #1 starts edging towards the door. The burly guy reaches out and grabs him by his collar with one hand.)

Burly Guy: *whips out his police badge* “If you take one more step, I WILL taze you!”

(The two thieves were arrested right then and there!)

Speaking Stupidese
CLOTHING STORE, RETAIL, WORDPLAY | RIGHT | JANUARY 13, 2008
(A customer comes in and goes to a display rack of boots.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Where are the boxes with all the shoes in them?”

Me: “…”

Her Friend: “She means, do you have these boots in a size 8…”

The Sweet Taste Of Karma
RESTAURANT | RIGHT | MAY 18, 2014
(I am a hostess at a restaurant. There is a regular who comes in with a woman, and the two of them seem to be in their 70s, although the woman seems more like his sister or caregiver than his wife. The man walks with a cane, and is constantly hitting on every woman he sees in the restaurant, to the point where a few of the servers get a little creeped out. On this day, the man has been hitting on everyone like normal, and right before he walks out, he stops at a jar of candy we have at the host stand near a sign that says, ‘guess how many candies and win!’)

Old Woman: “Those aren’t for eating, they’re for guessing.”

Old Man: *to me* “What do I get if I win?”

Me: “You win the jar of candy.”

Old Man: “Can I win the person who put the candy IN the jar instead?” *winks*

Me: “… Well, if you really want to, sure.”

Old Man: *gives me a huge, creepy grin*

Me: “That would be our manager. [Male Manager’s Name].”

Old Man: *drops smile completely* “Oh. Never mind.” *leaves*

I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa
RESTAURANT, STUPID, TIME, USA | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 16, 2009
(It is our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there are still customers seated in the dining room. Unfortunately, this means people are free to wander in, even though we can’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple comes in after we are closed.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.”

Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?”

Please, Please Listen To Yourself Talk
EDITORS' CHOICE, LIBRARY, STUPID, TECHNOLOGY, USA | RIGHT | JULY 27, 2008
(At our library, the computers are all self-sign up. All you have to do is type in your name and library card number. This is clearly posted on the side of the monitor. In walks a young woman and her boyfriend.)

Young Woman: “Can you help me with this?”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Young Woman: “I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “The instructions are on the side of the monitor.”

Young Woman: “But why can’t you tell me how to do it?”

Me: “Because it’s SELF-SIGN UP.”

Young Woman: “But I need help!”

Me: “All you have to do is type in your name and library card number.”

Young Woman: “But do I have to read the screen?”

Me: *confused* “Of… course. The screen tells you when to type in your information. You have to read the screen.”

Young Woman: “BUT I DIDN’T COME INTO THE LIBRARY TO READ!”

Young Woman’s Boyfriend: *turns abruptly and walks out the door*

Relationship Superheroes
CHATS & DMS | ROMANTIC | SEPTEMBER 30, 2013
(I am chatting with an internet friend I have met through forums for a video game we both like. She is in her teens, while I am in my late twenties.)

Me: “Yeah, I’m really more of a casual gamer. I play things every once in a while, but I mostly stick to The Sims and iPad games. Not my husband, though; he’s hard-core. When a Steam sale starts, he just sits in his office, like click-click-click-click.”

Friend: “Man, I hope I can find a guy like him someday. The only guys I know who are into video games are my friends, and they’re never interested in me romantically.”

Me: “Really? Maybe they like you and you don’t know it.”

Friend: “No, they talk about girls to me all the time. They’re always crushing on the really girly-girls or cheerleaders or popular girls or skanks; I’m not even on their radars.”

Me: “Give it time, hon. Because eventually, they’ll date girls like that and realize they have nothing in common with them. Then by the time they realize what they missed out on, you’ve found a guy who can appreciate a girl’s geeky side, and they realize their mistakes. And if they don’t figure that out, then they’re not smart enough for you anyway.”

Friend: “You think so?”

Me: “I know so. I used to think I’d never find a guy who loved me for me, but then I met my hubby. Now we watch sci-fi and play video games and go the cons together, and it’s awesome. He’s my best friend.”

Friend: “That’s so romantic. You guys sound perfect.”

Me: “Well, nobody’s perfect. We have our issues, too.”

Friend: “Like?”

Me: “I’m Marvel, he’s DC.”

Friend: “Ouch.”

Me: “Yeah. But we work through it.”

I Deign That Spain Stays Mainly In The Brain
FUNNY, GEOGRAPHY, OFFICE, STUPID, USA, WORDPLAY | RIGHT | JANUARY 1, 2010
Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello. You don’t sound American. Where are you from?”

Me: “Oh, I’m Spanish.”

Customer: “Oh, from Mexico.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m Spanish.”

Customer: “You’re from Puerto Rico?”

Me: “No, I’m Spanish. I’m from Spain.”

Customer: “Oh, do they still have that country?”

This story is part of our Spain-themed roundup!



Read the next Spain-themed roundup story!

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Inex-spews-able Behavior
DEBT COLLECTION | RIGHT | OCTOBER 18, 2012
(A woman comes in and appears clean and normal. She hands my coworker a plastic bag.)

Customer: “Could you be a dear and throw this away? I hate having trash in my car.”

Coworker: “Sure…”

(As my coworker takes the bag, which isn’t sealed, stuff leaks all over her desk. She leans down to examine it, and it is vomit.)

Customer: “That is disgusting! You spilled my vomit all over your desk. I should have your boss fire you for making me feel sick all over again!” *storms off*

A Bunch-O-Words It Be, Indeed
CALL CENTER, EDITORS' CHOICE, TECHNOLOGY, USA | RIGHT | JULY 20, 2008
Me: “Thanks for calling [Company] support. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I just bought sump’n down to the [Department Store].”

Me: “And how can I help you with that?”

Caller: “Yup!”

(There is a long pause.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hey!”

Me: “What is it I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Got me one a them orga, orgaz, origaniz, oregonize…”

Me: “Organizer?”

Caller: “Yup!”

Me: “And what can I do for you in regards to the organizer?”

Caller: “Well, it don’t do nuthin’!”

Me: “Sounds like you may need technical assistance on the device, and unfortunately you’ve reached the sales line. I would be happy to give you the accurate number.”

Caller: “It free?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no, the support line is not toll-free.”

Caller: “That’ll cost more ‘n my origun, orgizen, org…”

Me: “Organizer?”

Caller: “Yup!”

Me: “You may want to first consult the manual for information.”

Caller: “That ol’ book don’t say nuthin’ but a bunch-o-words!”

Doctor Sue
ENGLAND, GEEKS RULE, MANCHESTER, MOVIES & TV, PHONE, UK | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 26, 2010
(I am selling a replica phone box from the popular show ‘Doctor Who’ on an online auction site. In the show the phone box is actually a time machine/spaceship. I put my number on there so people can call me.)

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering about the replica phone box you are selling. Can it actually fly to other planets and go through time?”

Me: “Afraid not. It’s a replica… It’s fake.”

Caller: “Well, is it as big inside as in the show?”

Me: “No, that’s impossible to do. It’s a TV show so it’s not real.”

Caller: “What? You’re selling a replica? So, it can’t fly to other planets and through time?”

Me: “No one can make it like it is on the show. It’s impossible.”

Caller: “Excuses, excuses! You lying b****!. I’m going to report you and sue!” *click*

Melteasers
MOVIE THEATER | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 27, 2012
Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Customer: “I want a bag of Malteasers.”

Me: “Sure, just a moment…”

(I reach under the counter and take a bag of Malteasers from the drawer.)

Me: “That’s $5.50.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want those!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Those ones you keep below the counter are all crushed up together! ”

(She bangs the bag up and down on the counter. If they weren’t before, they’re probably a bit crushed now.)

Me: “They felt fine when I took them out, but I can get you another.”

Customer: “I want those ones!”

(The customer points to the wall behind me. We hang some expired stock there just to show what we have available.)

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s just for display. It’s expired stock.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I want one of those.”

Me: “Uh, okay.”

(I reach for a nearby bag on the wall.)

Customer: “No, not that one! I want one of the ones up there. Right up the top!”

Me: “Those are under the lights. They’ve probably melted.”

Customer: “One of those!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I scramble onto the counter behind me and take down one of the expired, partially melted bags at the top of the wall.)

Me: “That’s $5.50.”

Customer: “THANK YOU!”

Moronnium Falcon
PENNSYLVANIA, PET STORE, PETS & ANIMALS, PHILADELPHIA, USA | RIGHT | MARCH 8, 2011
Customer: “I want to get a falcon. How would I do that?”

Me: “Well, falcons are wild animals and can be very dangerous. If you want to get into falconry, you have to do a lot of research. I’m pretty sure you’d need a license to own a bird like that.”

Customer: “Well, those are easy to get, right?”

Me: “Well, no.”

Customer: *points to parrot cage* “That’d be big enough for a falcon, right?”

Me: “No, you’d need something much bigger.”

Customer: “Oh, and I wouldn’t really need one of those gloves, right? I can just wear my sweater and the claws won’t go through.”

Me: “Certainly not! There’s a reason those gloves are made of thick leather! Without one, you’d be badly hurt!”

Customer: “Oh. Well, do you guys sell falcons here?”

Me: “No, we don’t. Why do you want a falcon, anyway?”

Customer: “I want to support my favorite football team! I figure having a pet falcon would be a great tribute!”

Pressing For Cash When Pressed For Cash
GAS STATION | WORKING | JULY 5, 2014
(My husband and I stop by a gas station to fill up after picking up my daughter from her grandma’s. I’ve had my card number stolen from this location before, so I decided that I was going to go ahead and pre-pay inside while my husband waited by the pump.)

Clerk: “What’s up?”

Me: “I just need $30 on pump three, please.”

Clerk: “Okay, hold on.” *hits buttons on screen* “Cash or card?”

Me: “Card, please.” *I pull out my card, ready to swipe*

Clerk: “Oh, s***. Yeah, I pushed cash. It’s already gone through. Hold on, let me get my manager.”

(He turns to the side and the manager is just on the register next to him.)

Clerk: “Yeah, um, I hit cash, but it was supposed to be card.”

Manager: “All right, I’ll fix it.” *pushes buttons on screen* “Hey! $4.05 has already been pumped!”

Me: “What? Oh! My husband must have already started pumping.”

Manager: “You have to pay cash now.”

Me: “I don’t have cash because I was planning on using my card. It wasn’t—”

Manager: “You pay cash now!”

Me: “I don’t HAVE cash! I need to use my card! Your clerk is the one who let it go through as cash!”

Manager: “What about your husband? Does he have cash? You need to pay in cash, now!”

Me: “No, my husband doesn’t have any cash. That’s why I was going to use my card! You really can’t do anything about this?”

Manager: “Fine, you do cash back!”

Me: “Well, do you have an ATM?”

Manager: “No, you can do cash back at the register.”

(He sets up the register to do a cash back charge of $4.05, but he adds a $0.25 charge to the total. I assume it’s a fee for doing cash-back only. He tells me to swipe my card for the cash back and I do so.)

Manager: “Okay. Now, how much do you want?”

Me: “Well, I guess $25. Pump three.”

Manager: “Okay, go ahead and swipe card.”

(I swipe my card and it goes through just fine, then he hands me my receipt.)

Manager: “Next time have cash!”

(I take a look at my receipt and it shows the $0.25 charge as a ‘grocery item.’)

Me: “Wait, what’s with this 25-cent charge?”

Manager: “That’s the stupid fee, for messing up our register. Now move; I need to get the next customer.”

Me: “Excuse me? I don’t think so! This all started because your employee hit the wrong button! 25 cents may not be much, but I can’t afford to waste even a penny. Give me my 25 cents back!”

Manager: “Fine.” *tosses a quarter at me* “Now get out!”

(I took my change and receipt and left. I hate that gas station. Too bad it’s the only one in the area.)

Not Volunteering Yourself For Abuse
CHARITY SHOP | WORKING | NOVEMBER 27, 2013
(Having decided to volunteer at a local shop that sells clothes for charity, I meet with the manager to find out what I’ll be doing while I’m there. She is very cheerful and upbeat and we get on well. We go through all the normal stuff about fire drills, what sort of clothes are good enough to be sold, prices, etc. Then I agree to start the next day. As my shift starts at 12:30, I decide to go to get a sandwich. I bring it into the store room where the clothes are sorted before going on sale or being thrown out. It smells pretty musty in there. But, as there isn’t anywhere else to sit, I start to eat my sandwich after opening one of the big side windows wide open. The manager comes into the room.)

Manager: “New girl! Hey, you, new girl! Come here! Now! I know you’re in here!”

Me: “I’m here.”

(I walk over to her with my sandwich in my hand.)

Manager: “I just wanted to tell you about a change to the—”

(The manager breaks off when she sees the sandwich in my hand.)

Manager: “You can’t eat in here. I told you that you have to eat outside the back door. Have you forgotten that? I only told you yesterday. Are you stupid or something?”

Me: “You didn’t mention anything about food yesterday so I thought I’d eat here.”

Manager: “You can’t eat here as you’ll make the clothes smell horrible. What are you eating, fish? It smells dreadful in here now! How dare you ruin all the clothes for the shop? You’re so selfish.”

Me: “I’m eating a plain cheese sandwich by an open window. And it smells pretty bad in here already.”

Manager: “Oh, I don’t come in here myself. That’s for you people who do all the menial tasks. Besides, it’s always smelled musty, ever since I started working here.”

Me: “Well it can’t be me who made it to smell so bad if you say it’s always smelled this way. I’ve not even started my very first shift yet!”

Manager: “Well, I’ll let this go as you’re new but if it happens again I’ll have to fire you. And that won’t look good on your CV, will it? Stupid girl!”

Me: “You know what? I’m going. I don’t have to be called names and insulted.”

Manager: “You won’t get this month’s pay cheque if you walk out. It’s in your contract!”

Me: “I’m a volunteer. I didn’t sign one and I don’t get paid.”

(I collect my bag from the corner and walk out through the shop. The manager shouts after me.)

Manager: “Stupid b****! I’ll make sure you never work again!”

(About a month after this happened I got a call from the same shop. A new manager had taken over and wanted to see if I could come back to help again. She had even set aside a space for people to have lunch in away from the clothes. She also told me the previous manager was fired right after I left for being abusive and rude to the customers and staff alike.)

And Yet He Lives With A Nut
COFFEE SHOP, HEALTH & BODY, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, USA | RIGHT | JUNE 26, 2008
(A customer with her toddler comes into the store while I’m working on another customer’s order.)

Customer: “I want to know if your peanut butter cookies have nuts in them.”

Me: “Yes, yes they do.”

Customer: “Oh, well my son is allergic to nuts. Do you have any that don’t have nuts?”

Me: “You could try the oatmeal raisin.”

Customer: “No, he doesn’t like raisins.” *picks up a different cookie*

Me: “Um, those are white chocolate macadamia nut, which also has nuts in them.”

Customer: “Well do you have anything that is nut-free here?!”

Me: “We have cakes with fruit in them, muffins, bagels, croissants, and scones. Would he like those?”

Customer: “You people don’t care about my child!” *storms out of the store, child in tow*

Me: *To coworker* “How is he still alive?”

Coworker: *shrugs*

May I Recommend A Good Crime Drama While I Have You?
BIZARRE, BOOKSTORE, USA | RIGHT | DECEMBER 16, 2008
(90% of the calls the bookstore receives are to ask our hours, check stock, or to ask when a book will be released. With that in mind, the phone rings one afternoon.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bookstore], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to know a release date.”

Me: “Sure, what is the title?”

Customer: *gives a strange number, not the type bookstores use*

Me: “What? Is that a title?”

(The customer gives the number again, and I am not finding anything like it in the computer database.)

Me: “I don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: “A release date! I need to know when my son will be released.”

(It’s then that I realize she means Booking, not Books.)

Me: “Uh, we’re a book store.”

Customer: “What number is this?”

Me: *gives the store phone number*

Customer: “I didn’t call that number.” *hangs up*

A Major Minor Mishap
FAST FOOD, KIOSK | RIGHT | JUNE 16, 2014
(I am 15 years old, and I work in my cousin’s burger van or cafe during the school breaks. Often I will be in the kiosk late at night when all the clubs close while my cousin is still working. One night a group of guys in their 30s comes up, slightly drunk, and ordered a bunch of food.)

Customer #1 : “You having fun tonight?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Customer #2 : “Oh, god, leave her alone, dude!”

Me: *laughs nervously*

Customer #1 : “Oh, come on… Hey, you see that sausage on the hotplate?”

Me: “Uh, yeah?”

Customer #1 : “I could give you double the sausage on that hotplate if you come back with me.”

Me: “Oh, is that so?”

Customer #1 : “Oh yeah, totally.”

(I laugh and let him carry on, his friends just laughing at him.)

Me: “So, I’m curious. Do you always talk to minors like that?”

Customer #1 : “What?!”

Me: “Well, I’m 15.”

(Customer #1 runs off in a hurry without his order, red faced.)

Customer #2 : “Well, he won’t live that down any time soon!”

A Vicious Circle
TELEMARKETING | WORKING | APRIL 18, 2014
(From looking at the call display, I’ve noticed that we’ve had a lot of calls from the same 800 number, but no messages left. This is usually a dead give away as a telemarketer. When I see that number calling one evening, I decide to pick up instead of my usual practice of ignoring it.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, is [Wife] home?””

Me: “No, I’m afraid she isn’t. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “I’m calling from [Bank]. Is there a good time to try calling again?”

Me: “No, not really. We’re in and out at various times. Is there a message I can give her?”

Caller: “No. I’m calling from [Bank] and it’s an important, private matter that I can’t discuss with anyone but [Wife].”

Me: “Well, if it’s important, surely you’d want her to call back about it. So, can I have your name and number, so she can return the call?”

Caller: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. It’s an important, private matter that I can only discuss with [Wife].”

Me: “I understand that, but if you’re not willing to leave any type of message, now or any other time you’ve called, I have to assume this is just a marketing call to offer her a credit card or to change her services, in which case, you can stop calling.”

Caller: “No. I need to speak to [Wife]. Is there a good time to get ahold of her?”

Me: “No, but I can take a message and she can return the call.”

Caller: “I can’t do that. It’s a private matter.”

Me: “If you won’t give me any information, then I can’t help you.”

Caller: “We’re just going in circles!”

Me: “I know! Annoying having your time wasted like that, isn’t it? Have a good evening.” *click*

The Bill That Keeps On Billing
OPTOMETRIST/OPTICIAN | WORKING | NOVEMBER 4, 2014
(I had my eyes checked while still living in Connecticut, and while I still had insurance. I recently moved to California, and while I set up mail forwarding I wasn’t necessarily getting all my mail from Connecticut. This happens after I call my eye doctor in Connecticut to get a copy of my eye glass and contact prescription information.)

Me: “Hi. I’m calling because I’d like to get a copy of my eye glass and contact lens prescription. They are less than a year old and I’m going to a new doctor this week and I want to provide records”

Receptionist: “Of course. Let me look up that information… I see here you have a balance due. Will you be paying that now?”

Me: “Um, excuse me? What do I have a balance due for?”

Receptionist: “For your eye exam from last December. If you don’t pay it I can’t give you the information you’ve requested.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m not going to pay right this second, considering it’s now 8 months later and this is the first I’m hearing about this.”

Receptionist: “This is NOT the first time you are hearing about this. We’ve been sending you a bill every month since January and you haven’t paid us. We’re going to have to send you to collections for not paying this bill and refusing to pay it now.”

Me: “Okay, hold up a second. I never got the bill. I moved shortly after the exam and I set up mail forwarding, but I know that sometimes medical forms cannot be forwarded. Maybe that’s what happened. So, yes, this is the first time I’m hearing about it.”

Receptionist: “Well, you’re still refusing to pay so I’m going to send you to collections.”

Me: “I’m not refusing to pay, but I am not just going to pay a bill over the phone without having a bill and the information in front of me. Also, I’d like to call my old insurance company to figure out what happened, because I was supposed to be insured through January. Besides, if I never paid the bill and you had to keep sending notices without any indication that I got them why wasn’t I ever called?”

Receptionist: “That’s not our policy to call. Besides when people get bills, they just pay them. I don’t know why you didn’t.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m trying to tell you I moved. I never got the bill you sent me. I’m not sure why it wasn’t forwarded, but I never got a bill. Again, I ask how come no one ever called me, and if you knew shortly after said eye exam that my insurance wasn’t going to cover it, after I paid my co-pay and signed the form and your office told me I was all set, how was I supposed to know that I had a balance owed?”

Receptionist: “You just need to pay your bills when you get them. Why is that so hard to understand? It’s not our fault your insurance didn’t go through! Pay your bill now that you know you owe it!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to pay the bill until I see a bill, and YOUR office told me I was all set when I was checking out. You told me my insurance co-pay was all I needed to pay, so that’s what I paid. I’m sorry for the error, but I didn’t know there was a remaining balance.”

Receptionist: “We sent you bills every month and you haven’t paid yet. You’re refusing to pay now!”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I didn’t get the bills in the mail, and no one ever called me. If you had called me and said there was a problem I could have 1) given you my new address so you could send a bill, 2) called my insurance company while they were still my insurance company in January, and 3) got this all taken care before you had to send me multiple bills. At this point me not paying the bill is on you because I was not notified.”

Receptionist: “It’s not our policy to call people to pay their bills. It’s our policy that we send out bills and people just pay them. That’s what you should have done. People pay their bills, ma’am.”

Me: “Okay, lady, I’m going to pay the bill. I just want to see it first and I want to call my old insurance company to see if they can figure out what happened. Please send me a bill to my new address and I will attempt to figure it out”

Receptionist: “So you want the bill sent to 411 East #### City, CT #### ?”

Me: “Um, no. First off, if that’s the address you’ve been sending the bill too, it was never going to get to me. That’s not even my old address. My address was 311… So, that’s probably why I didn’t get the bill. And second, I just said I was going to give you the address I want it sent to.”

Receptionist: “Well, it’s not MY fault you gave us the wrong address! And I can’t send it to a different address; I have to send it to the one you provided!”

Me: “I’m going to stop you right there. I’m pretty sure I filled out a bunch of forms at your office with my correct address on them. I’m also pretty sure I gave you my insurance card, also with my address on it, so someone in your office must have made a typo. So, thank you for sending my medical bills to someone else for the last 8 months. I’m pretty sure I could filed a complaint about that. And another thing, if you HAD JUST CALLED ME when I didn’t pay the bill in January we could have sorted this whole thing out eight months ago. So, no, ma’am, I never received a bill, and no, ma’am, I was not aware of it ever, because your office sent it to the wrong address.”

Receptionist: “WE DON’T CALL PEOPLE! YOU ARE JUST EXPECTED TO PAY YOUR BILL WHEN WE SEND IT TO YOU!!!”

Me: “That’s enough. I want to speak to your supervisor!”

Receptionist: “She’s going to tell you the same thing!” *to her supervisor* “There is a woman on the phone who refuses to pay her bill. I’ve been telling her that we’ve been billing her for eight months and she needs to go to collections!”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to pay your bill today. We’ve been billing you for eight months and you haven’t paid at all.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that’s not what’s happening. I just found out today for some reason my insurance company didn’t pay for the exam from last December. Your receptionist, just told me YOUR office had my address wrong in the system, so that’s why the mail didn’t get forwarded to me in California. She also told me it was not the policy of this office to call people when there is a problem with billing. So, you’re right I refuse to pay this bill today, but not because I’m not going to pay my bill. I just want a copy of the bill sent to me in California, which your receptionist also told me she couldn’t do because it wasn’t the address I provided back in December, which your office put in the system wrong to begin with. I also would like a copy of my glasses and contact prescription sent along with that bill. I need to give it to my new eye doctor.”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, I can’t give you any information until you pay your bill, and I’ll have to send it to collections if you don’t pay with in 30 days.”

Me: “Then please send me the bill to my new address and I will get this taken care of. But unless I see a bill, how do I even know what I’m paying for?”

Supervisor: “I guess we can do that, but you really should have paid the bill when you first got it.”

Me: *bangs head on desk* “I give up. My new address is [Address in California]. Please send out the bill today and I will get this taken care of.”

Supervisor: “Okay, but you really need to pay your bill. You haven’t paid it in eight months and we’ve been sending you a new bill every month.”