The Wannabe Mayor And His Spokesperson, Unmasked

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 15
Home Improvement | Right | August 2, 2017
(I am pregnant, quite close to my due date, and obviously showing it even through my boxy work uniform. This occurs during a (so far) normal transaction as I am returning an item for a customer approximately in his fifties.)

Customer: “So, you’re pregnant?”

Me: *smiling* “Yup!”

Customer: “How’d that happen?”

Me: “Uh… well… um…”

Customer: *cheerfully* “You’d be surprised, the different answers I get with that one.”

Me: *speechless*

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 14
Retail | Right | September 21, 2016
(I manage a retail store that does engravings. When customers want something done we go to a little counter, stand opposite the customer, and explain pricing. I am due to have my daughter any day when this happens. I’m tall and have always been really skinny.)

Nice Young Couple: “We want to get [Item] with [Name] on it.”

Me: “Oh, that’s such a cute name!”

(I explain the pricing. All is going well.)

Woman: “I’m six months along and feel like a whale! How far are you?”

Me: “I’m nine months. Actually, the doctor said I should have popped a week ago. When I’m done working, I walk the Mall of America like a crazy person because a manager over there swears it helps induce labor!”

Woman: “You’re nine months!? Why are you so small?!”

Me: “I don’t know. I’m just naturally skinny but the doctor predicted that she would at least be seven pounds or more.”

Woman: *suddenly incredibly angry* “I’m only six months and bigger than you! That’s not fair!”

(At that point the woman went savage and actually tried to climb over the counter to hit me. Her boyfriend grabbed her and dragged her out of the store kicking and screaming “It’s not fair!” while giving me a look that said “I’m so sorry!” Two days later I got my doctor to give me a note saying I couldn’t work anymore while pregnant because of blood pressure issues. I had my baby a week later and quit when my maternity leave was up. I have never, and will never, go back to retail. I have a lot of respect for people that stick it out. You don’t get paid enough.)

Setting Them Straight About Wolf-Whistling
Australia, Harassment, Melbourne, Outdoors/Outside, Strangers, Victoria | Healthy | February 2, 2018
(I am having a horribly frustrating day at this point. I’m overworked. The weather is horrible. Walking back to work, a construction worker with his mates wolf-whistles at a girl a couple of feet ahead of me.)

Me: *turning to face him* “Thanks, mate, but sorry; I’m straight.”

(The guy went red as his mates laughed. Made me feel better.)

Need To Get Your Wax Straight
Alberta, Canada, Doctor/Physician, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Physical | Healthy | February 2, 2018
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(All my life, I have been sensitive to changes in weather pressure, and elevation changes, even subtle ones. As I live in an area frequented by wonderful warm winds during cold seasons, I regularly get “Chinook” headaches. I’ve never had a migraine before, but one day at work, I start to experience a severe headache. It’s the worst I’ve ever had, and I conclude I’m having my first migraine. I manage to drive home and crawl into bed. For two days, I’m unable to drive, or even move from a laying-down position, due to nausea and dizziness, along with the pain. My general practitioner is off on maternity leave, so I go to the same clinic as a walk-in.)

Me: “I think I’m having a migraine; it’s the first time.”

Doctor: “Can you describe the symptoms?”

Me: “Intense pressure headache, coupled with nausea and dizziness. It’s very difficult just to sit here talking to you.”

Doctor: “Sounds right.” *hands me a stack of paper* “Here: you need to record each and every time you get a headache so we can track it. Here are two prescriptions for pain medication. Also, I noticed from your previous blood work that your iron levels are low, so we’re going to start you on a very high-dose supplement. As well, vitamin B will help with the migraines. You should start this regime today. The pain medication is strong, so be prepared to basically sleep once you take it.”

(This seems excessive to me, but as I’ve never had a migraine before, I go fill all the prescriptions. For two days, I follow what the doctor recommended, and nothing has improved. My chiropractor has experience in acupuncture and other alternative medicine, and he has helped me with my headaches in the past. I tell my husband that I need to go see him. When I walk into the chiropractor office, my guy sees me, being held up by my husband, with a hood and sunglasses on, and quickly ushers me into a room. My husband has brought the literal bag of drugs I’ve been prescribed, to show him.)

Chiropractor: “I can help the nausea and dizziness immediately. Lie on your side.”

(He gives me some acupuncture needles in various places on my neck, hands, and temples.)

Me: “I can’t keep taking those pain meds; I’m not functional. Plus, the pressure going up the hill from [Our Town] has been excruciating lately.”

Chiropractor: “That’s the pressure sensitivity, right? So, it’s been much worse than normal?”

Me: “Yes.”

Chiropractor: “How’s your balance been?”

Me: “Horrible. That’s partly why I’m so dizzy. I feel like I have no centre of gravity.”

Chiropractor: “You don’t have a migraine; you have crystals in your ears. How often do you use cotton swabs?”

Me: “Fairly regularly?”

Chiropractor: “Stop doing that for a week and let the wax catch them. It’s a random thing, but if your ears are too clean, these little crystals develop and roll around your inner ear. That is what is causing the pain, and the loss of balance, which is contributing to your dizziness and nausea.”

(He was 100% right. A week later, all the symptoms had completely disappeared. I’m thankful that the walk-in doctor had a treatment plan, though I wish she had asked me another couple questions. I’m even more grateful for other medical practitioners who can help prevent you from having to take tons of excessive and unnecessary medications.)

Allow Me To Illustrate The Point
Art/Design, Health & Body, Office, Revolting, USA, Virginia | Healthy | February 1, 2018
I work as a medical illustrator, drawing injuries and surgeries for legal purposes — used as courtroom exhibits, mediation materials, etc. Most of the time, the cases that cross my desk are the same run-of-the-mill kinds over and over, but every once in a while, we get very interesting and challenging cases to illustrate.

My most memorable case involved a man with a tumor that had grown in almost the exact middle of his head, sort of at the very back of his throat, near the base of his skull. It had grown monstrously and required a surgery to remove it to improve quality of life. But the only way to get to it required some extreme measures, and I’ll never forget the surgeon’s notes in which he described the procedure. This is a bit gruesome, if you’re squeamish.

It required lifting away the bottom of the face from the skull and cutting the mandible — jaw bone — down the middle, then prying the jaw apart to either side. While the surgeon provided no sketches to help me visualize this, he made it clear enough when he mentioned it was commonly known as “the Predator cut.”

They also then removed half the jawbone. It was surprising to learn how they reconstruct the face afterwards; they simply carve up segments from your fibula — the small bone in your lower leg — and make a new L-shaped jaw out of it!

Dinner Before Derriere
Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, New Hampshire, Nurses, Rude & Risque, Silly, USA | Healthy | January 31, 2018
(It’s my very first appointment with a GYN Oncologist, and he has to examine my tumor, which has grown in the space “between the playground and the sewer.” There is a female nurse attending who is slightly older than both the doctor and me.)

Doctor: “Unfortunately, [My Name], I’m going to have to do a rectal exam, also.”

Me: *resigned to it, but salty* “Whoa! On the first date, even!”

Older Nurse: *totally taken aback* “But this is a safe date! This is for your health and well-being!” *several more comments indicating that she’s horrified at what I said*

Doctor: *never missing a beat* “Yeah, but I didn’t even buy her dinner!”

(Gotta love a doctor with a sense of humour!)

Clean Up Your Act
Awesome, Colorado, Hospital, Instant Karma, Jerk | Healthy | January 31, 2018
(I work as a housekeeper at a hospital. The job is hard, but I get paid fairly well. The hardest part is dealing with patients and visitors who don’t realize how important my job really is. I’m mopping the main lobby. A group of visitors leaving the hospital are coming. I just mopped the floors, and they track dirt and grease all over the floor, dropping food as they pass, as well. I get a new mop, slightly irritated, I’ll admit. Then, I hear the mom lean down to her daughter and say

Visitor: “Stay in school, or you’ll end up like him!”

(I’ve had a hard day, and just hearing that makes me lose it. I go over, tap the woman on a shoulder, and say

Me: “Ma’am, were you visiting a patient here today?”

Visitor: “Uh, yeah… [room number]. Why?”

Me: “You realize a lowlife housekeeper like me cleaned that room, right? That room previously had a very sick person staying in it, and a housekeeper bleached the walls, bed, toilet, everything, to keep you safe from getting what the last patient had.”

(She goes to open up her mouth, but I don’t let her say anything.)

Me: “I’m working this job while I work on getting my associate’s in nursing, which I’m only three months away from. I eventually want to become a doctor. I took this job to get my foot in the door for my future. My parents don’t have money to get me through school, and the scholarships I received aren’t enough to cover $4000 a semester. So, unless you are already saving for her to go to school, or are made of money, she will likely end up with a low-end job for a couple of years. I get the same benefits as any medical staff, I make $12 an hour, and, other than dealing with people like you, my job is nice.”

(By this point her jaw has dropped and her daughter is giggling next to her.)

Visitor: “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize—”

Me: “You shouldn’t have said something like that. ‘If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.’ My mom taught me that when I was five. Probably best for you to learn it, too.”

(The mother scurries out of the door with her head hanging low. My supervisor has seen the whole exchange, so I think I will get in trouble. He laughs and says

Supervisor: “I’ve wanted to say that to people like that forever! I’m just glad I got to witness such a historic moment!”

(Housekeepers are not scum or low-lives, and we are not stupid. Most of us have joined as housekeepers to make it easier to climb up the career ladder. Think about that the next time you say something rude like that.)

That’s Where We Put The Bad Patients
Australia, Coworkers, Medical Office, Silly, Wordplay | Healthy | January 30, 2018
(It is a busy Monday with patients eager to get scanning done after the weekend, walk-ins, and appointments. I am working as fast and as politely as I can. There is a bit of pressure since our site manager is on holiday and our second was just promoted to head office. I have inadvertently become the senior receptionist.)

Coworker: “I have to find the keys to the mur…”

(I can’t hear what he’s saying because of the phone ringing and a patient in front of me giving me details necessary for the booking. He does a lap around the department.)

Coworker: “He’s supposed to have left keys for the mur mur rum...”

(I don’t catch the end of it, again, needing to pick up a call on hold that’s been waiting for seven minutes. He runs around again. I blaze through more people, finally finish all calls, and get to the last lady in the queue.)

Coworker: “Okay, so, we get the keys from upstairs in General. It’s all good. They got into the murder room.”

(I stop what I’m doing and stare at him, absolutely sure I heard it right, but shocked if that’s what he said.)

Me: “The murder room?!”

Coworker: “Motor room.”

(The patient in front of me starts laughing.)

Patient: “I wouldn’t want to be in one of those!”

Cause For Actual Pregnant Pause
Alaska, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Jerk, Stupid, USA | Healthy | January 30, 2018
(I am a doctor at a local clinic. I read the file for my next patient, a 21-year-old woman, complaining about stomach cramps, sickness, and “private” concerns. People are often shy and refuse to share their symptoms with the nurse. I go into the room and start talking to the patient.)

Me: “Hello, I am Dr. [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

Patient: “I keep getting stomach cramps, and I threw up this morning. It was really gross… and, um… ah…”

(The patient is acting uncomfortable.)

Patient: “I haven’t had my period in three months! It’s always been irregular, but I haven’t ever gone this long! I must be really sick! Please help me.”

(Utilizing my $50,000 education and 14 years of experience, I make the first suggestion that comes to mind.)

Me: “Is there any chance that you might be pregnant?”

(The patient looks disgusted by this.)

Patient: “Oh, so, if a woman is sick it means that she must be pregnant. No, she can’t be dying or anything; she must be a slut. You men are all the same!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is just procedure. I have to check things off the list to find out what is wrong. Can you please answer my question?”

Patient: “No. I want a woman doctor. Get me your woman doctor or I am leaving!”

Me: “There are only me and three male PAs.”

Patient: “Humph!”

(The patient walked out of the examination room and out of the office, complaining of sexism and “unprofessional behavior” to everybody in the waiting room. Six months later, I got another patient file for a woman wanting a prenatal exam. Now, guess who it could possibly be? The lesson here is that there are a lot of things that share symptoms with pregnancy, but pregnancy is FAR more common than most of them. When a doctor asks you if you are pregnant, it is not an accusation; it is an important diagnostic tool.)

Hasn’t Got The Heart To Know The Difference
Australia, Emergency Services, Queensland, Stupid | Healthy | January 29, 2018
Paramedic #1 : “Do you have any preexisting healthcare conditions?”

Patient: “No.”

Paramedic #1 : “Ever been to hospital?”

Patient: “Nope!”

Paramedic #1 : “Do you take any medications?”

Patient: “No.”

(After diagnosing a heart attack and commencing treatment, the patient starts feeling better. He chats with the second paramedic on the way to hospital.)

Patient: “Hang on, I have had one thing…”

Paramedic #2 : “Yes?”

Patient: “It was, uh…”

Paramedic #2 : “Yes?”

Patient: “A what-do-you-call-it… A cardiac arrest! Had one of those before.”

(And that’s why health care staff ask so many stupid and repetitive questions!)

Pot Calling The Kettle Black, Noisily
Hospital, Jerk, New Zealand, Non-Dialogue, Roommates | Healthy | January 29, 2018
I have to have emergency surgery. After some time in the recovery ward, I am wheeled into a double-occupancy room, but there’s no one in the other bed. I wake up a little later to find the curtains between the beds drawn, and correctly assume I now have a roommate. I hear her whimpering often, but I think nothing of it, because I’m whimpering, too.

We are both checked hourly, but we have different nurses, so basically there’s someone coming in every half hour or so. Whenever my obs are being done, I can hear her huffing and sighing, the way people do when they’re trying to sleep but someone’s making too much noise. I feel a bit guilty, but what can I do about it?

During the night, I hear her groaning whenever she tries to move. I’m doing the same, so I am quite shocked when she rather curtly says, “Can you keep it down, please? You’re always moaning and groaning! I am trying to sleep here!”

I say nothing. I’m in too much pain and too drugged up to attempt a comeback or an argument.

Later that morning, I’m woken up by loud voices and ear-piercing squeals. My roommate’s family are visiting. She has two small children who are yelling and squealing and fighting with each other. They zoom around the room, pulling the curtains between our beds back and forth, playing in the wheelchairs, and often bumping into my bed, causing excruciating pain. Her husband is loud and gregarious, and neither of them make even the slightest effort to control their kids.

I’m overwhelmed and hurting and I start to cry. The nurse comes in to do my obs, takes one look at the scene, and barks at the father and kids to keep it down, that they’re in a hospital, and that there are a lot of sick people who are trying to rest. She then manipulates me into a wheelchair and says that now would be a good time to take me for a shower, to get away from the noise. As I’m being wheeled out, I hear my roommate say to her husband, “God, she can talk! She’s kept me up all night whining and carrying on!”

You’re Killing Me Here
Germany, Impossible Demands, Pets & Animals, Stupid, Vet | Healthy | January 28, 2018
(A lady comes in with a cat in a very bad condition. After a short examination, I have to tell her that the only thing I can do is to euthanize her cat.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but the kidneys have completely stopped working. The only thing we can do is release that poor cat from her pain and suffering.”

Lady: “Oh, that’s a shame, but if it’s the only option…”

Me: “Unfortunately, it is.”

Lady: “Okay, but is there any homeopathic euthanasia you can give? You know, all these chemical things are bad for her health!”

Me: “Um, do you know what ‘euthanasia’ means?”

Enough To Make You Grind Your Teeth
Canada, Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Quebec | Healthy | January 27, 2018
(I’ve been going to a dentist clinic for a few months. I love the place and the staff; they’re considerate of the expensive costs of treatments, they’re friendly, and they take the time to explain options. The moment I get dental insurance from work, I become a regular patient to fix all the little things I’ve been putting off. Sadly, for some reason, the dentist turnover becomes high. At this point, I’ve seen four different ones already. I’ve had all my repairs done, got a mouth guard for grinding my teeth, and am just finishing a yearly cleaning.)

Dentist #1 : *who I’ve never had before* “Well, everything looks good on your x-rays. We’ll see you in six months!”

(A month later, I’m back with a pretty infected tooth that requires a root canal treatment. Yet another dentist, the first male one I’ve encountered, greets me.)

Dentist #2 : *cheerfully* “How are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m here because I’m in a lot of pain, so—”

Dentist #2 : “Oh, no. You’re doing well!”

(I’m a bit annoyed that he would tell ME how I’M doing, but I let it go. He starts the procedure, after pressing his belly into the back of my head twice while looking for tools and not apologizing. Towards the end, there is terrible pain, which I had not been warned about in any way. I’m crying and upset by the time I get out, just in a hurry to leave that place. It hurts more than the tooth did before he did anything to it. Because my insurance is almost maxed out for the year, I end up paying several hundred dollars for the procedure. And we’re just in May. A week later, the temporary seal, which I was not told was temporary, starts coming off while I eat. I had been told I would need a crown, but since nothing else was explained, I thought I was good to go until the following year, having told them about the insurance being maxed. I see [Dentist #3 ], who says I should get a screw and a crown, and nods when I explain I have to wait, as I don’t have $1,500 to pay for it. She puts a white filling over the tooth in the meantime. The clinic calls me three times for me to get an appointment for the screw and crown, the third one in November. I explain the insurance thing to the receptionist, and schedule an appointment in January. A week after the November call, my gums around that tooth begin swelling when I eat, so I go back.)

Dentist #4 : “The filling has just slightly been dislodged, so it’s rubbing against your gums. We’ll fix it for free, since we have a warranty on repairs.”

Me: “When was the last time I came for a cleaning?”

Dentist #4 : “In mid-April.”

Me: “And when did I come back with an infected tooth?”

Dentist #4 : “In May.”

Me: “Is it really possible for [Dentist #1 ] to have missed a tooth that ended up infected a month later? She did take x-rays.”

Dentist #4 : *is silent for a while, looking at the computer, then, slowly* “Yes, it’s not visible on them.” *points vaguely to the x-rays, which I obviously have no knowledge to interpret*

Me: “Okay. Also, the dentist who performed the root canal treatment didn’t warn me about the pain, and didn’t explain that the seal was temporary.”

Dentist #4 : “Well… sometimes when dentists explain all the procedures and costs needed, it scares the patient.”

Me: *in shock* “Well, that’s dishonest.”

Dentist #4 : “I understand that you don’t like it.”

(I leave after the repair a bit shaken. Before I leave I ask her to confirm that my $800 mouth guard will not have to be replaced after getting the crown, as I was told by another member of the staff that this might be necessary. The next evening, [Dentist #4 ] calls and leaves a voicemail.)

Dentist #4 : “Hello, I’m calling to set up an appointment for the screw and crown. Please call back.”

(Nothing was said of the mouth guard, and the message disregarded the fact that I HAD an appointment set in January already. I couldn’t call back that evening. The next morning, at 11, I got a call from the receptionist, asking me again to make an appointment! I asked her to cancel the one I had in January, and not to call again. Surely other clinics have staff that have it together.)

This Person Is Such A Headache
Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Criminal & Illegal, Emergency Services, Health & Body, Office, Stupid, UK | Healthy | January 26, 2018
(A coworker has been on blood-thinning medication for the past couple of months. She isn’t allowed to have other medication that has the same effect, namely aspirin.)

Coworker: “I have such a headache. Does anyone have anything I can take?”

(We all say no, so she resorts to searching through the desks of people who are on holiday. She finally finds some.)

Coworker: “Perfect!”

Me: “Um, shouldn’t you try something else? You aren’t allowed aspirin, remember?”

Coworker: “It’s only two tablets! What harm will it do?”

(She disappears before I can protest further, and comes back with a glass of water, having taken them on the way back. She surreptitiously takes another two a few hours later, and I protest yet again. She goes to the printer and comes back screaming.)

Coworker: “I’ve got a paper cut and it won’t stop bleeding!”

(I see that she is actually applying a lot of pressure on the cut, causing it to stay open.)

Me: “Maybe if you ease up on it, it’ll stop.”

Coworker: “No, you idiot! You do that to stop the flow. Oh, my God, I’m dying! Why did you make me take those d*** pills?!”

(We called an ambulance for her, and the second the paramedics arrived, they loosened her grip and the wound closed within a couple of minutes. She spent the entire time accusing us of trying to kill her, and demanded the paramedics phone the police for “force-feeding her death-pills.” We had to explain the situation, as the paramedics thought she was under some sort of narcotic, and they decided to take her to the hospital to make sure the medication wasn’t wreaking havoc on her blood. When she came back into work the next day, she went straight to our manager and launched a formal complaint. We all needed to give statements, and it was decided that if we are going to bring medication to work, we need to ensure it is secure. [Coworker] was put on temporary leave after we revealed in our statements that she actually went looking for the medication in someone else’s belongings, something she failed to mention in her complaint.)

Time To Prescribe Some Common Sense
Chicago, Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Insurance, USA | Healthy | January 26, 2018
(I have been put on a prescription by my doctor. As I am not particularly fond of the modern designer drug industry, my prescription is something that has been on the market for over 50 years. As such, it is very cheap. After I have been using it for four or five months, my insurance company calls me.)

Me: “Hello?”

Agent: “Hello, this is [Agent] from [Insurance Company] calling. Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes. What can I do for you?”

Agent: “I would like to tell you about our fantastic prescription drug plan! You can get regular shipments of your medications every three months, which will save you money. Here’s how it works…” *drones on whilst I try to interrupt*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Agent: *continues script*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Agent: *continues script*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Agent: “Yes?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m on exactly one prescription, which costs exactly one dollar and seventy-six cents per month, including tax. Nobody else in the house has any other prescriptions.”

Agent: “Oh.”

Me: “I doubt you can save me any money on of that one.”

Agent: *laughing* “You’re right; we probably can’t. Thank you for your patience!”

What A Diabeetus, Part 4
Alabama, Birmingham, Medical Office, Stupid, USA | Healthy | January 26, 2018
(I am sitting at my desk behind the nurses’ station when one of our new patients approaches me.)

Patient: “Can you do me a favor and check my lab work for me?”

Me: “I sure can, sir. Let me get you pulled up, here. What did you want me to look over?”

Patient: “Can you check to see if there’s any diabetes in my blood?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patient: “Diabetes. In my blood.”

Me: “Did you mean your glucose level, sir?”

Patient: *clearly exasperated* “No, I mean if the doctor found any diabetes in my blood.”

Me: “Sir, that’s… that’s not how diabetes works.”

What A Diabeetus, Part 3
Colorado, Health & Body, Hospital, USA | Healthy | January 23, 2018
(I work in the kitchen of a small hospital. I go to each room and take the patients’ orders for their meals. One new patient is a woman who is on a diabetic diet.)

Patient: *after ordering a huge meal, including iced tea with “a crapload of sugar”* “…and can my brother order something, too?”

Me: “Sure. It’s $5.40 for a guest tray, and you can order whatever you want.”

Patient: “Wait, you mean he can get all the food he wants for $5.40? Holy crap! This is the best hospital ever.”

(The patient’s brother orders a large meal, including a diet soda.)

Me: “All right. Now, since you’re on a diabetic diet, we’ll probably have to cut some of this out, because the rules say we can only give you so many carbs.”

Patient: “Whatever. I eat what I want.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll see what I can do.”

(We end up sending her about half of what she ordered, and using artificial sweetener instead of sugar.)

Patient: *calling back after getting her food* “Um, I didn’t get all my food.”

Me: “Since you’re on a diabetic diet, we can only send you that much. Sorry.”

Patient: “Well, my brother didn’t get what he ordered, either. He was supposed to get…” *she proceeds to list the things she didn’t get*

Me: *after a bit of futilely trying to reason with her* “All right. I can bring a little more food to him.”

(The cook lets me bring some more food to the brother.)

Me: “I’d like to see him put sugar in his diet soda.”

What A Diabeetus, Part 2
Bad Behavior, Grocery Store, Harassment, Ignoring & Inattentive, New Jersey, USA, Wild & Unruly | Right | November 6, 2017
(A customer is getting her money out of her bag. I had put in a low blood-sugar reading in my insulin pump a couple minutes earlier, and it always beeps to remind me to check it again. It beeps, and I unclip it from my waist and turn the screen on. The customer looks up and her eyes go wide.)

Customer: “Of course!”

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Customer: “This is the reason I hate this store! They hire teenagers that look at their phones all the time! They don’t even care about the customers.”

Me: “What? Oh! This isn’t a phone, ma’am.” *presses “okay” and clips it back to my waist*

Customer: “Yes, it is! Give it to me so I can report you to your manager!”

Me: “One, it’s not a phone. Two, I can’t take it off because it’s an insulin pump. I have type-one diabetes.” *shows her my medical alert bracelet* “My manager knows this.”

Customer: “You don’t have diabetes! You’re not obese!”

Me: *tries to resist the urge to face-palm* “Ma’am, I have type-one. The one you’re thinking about is type-two. Please give me the money and leave.”

Customer: “No!” *reaches for my pump, which has a tube that connects to something on my stomach*

Me: *calmly* “Please leave.”

(The customer once again reaches for my pump, and pulls it off my pants. She pulls it forward and realizes there’s a tube on it.)

Customer: “How do you disconnect the charger?”

Me: “That isn’t a charger wire, ma’am. It’s a tube. You can see it’s clear. Please let go.”

(I reach to take my pump back. The customer pulls it forwards again, and I jerk forward. A lot of the time I drop my pump, and it pulls on my stomach. It’s never torn out the thing on my stomach, but this time it’s about to. Luckily, my manager arrives before it does.)

Manager: “Let go of that right now and leave. It’s good that you hate this store, because you’re not coming back.”

(The customer places the pump on the counter and runs to the door, not taking her money or things.)

Me: “Thanks.”

Manager: “Take her money; you deserve it. I’ll put her stuff back.”

(Suddenly, I heard a beep. My manager was also a diabetic, and also had a low earlier. He pulled out his pump, which looked like mine. I heard a loud scream and the door slamming shut.)

Pancakes Can Cure All
Arkansas, Coworkers, Health & Body, Restaurant, USA | Working | July 23, 2015
(I am working at a major breakfast chain as a waiter on the night shift. One of my coworkers is a diabetic, and I have a history of hypoglycemic episodes. Thankfully, [Diabetic] knows the signs. This occurs on a prom night, after I’ve just spent two and a half hours running food and drinks to a group of 35.)

Diabetic: “[My Name], you’re getting derpy. First time I’ve seen you get a drink wrong in months!”

Me: “I’m fine.”

Diabetic: “No, you’re not fine.” *calling out louder* “[Manager], get over here and make [My Name] go sit down! He’s derping out!”

Me: “I’m not derping out!”

Manager: “His girlfriend’s over there; get his kit from her.”

Me: “I’m not derping out; [Diabetic]’s derping out! She just brought that short stack to the wrong table!”

([Manager] grabs both of us by the ears, drags us to the break room, and makes us test our blood sugar. Diabetic’s meter shows 300, mine shows 20.)

Manager: “Okay, you!” *points at [Diabetic]* “Insulin, now. You!” *points at me* “Pancakes, now. And when you’re done eating, give her half your pancreas!”

Cause For Actual Pregnant Pause
Alaska, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Jerk, Stupid, USA | Healthy | January 30, 2018
(I am a doctor at a local clinic. I read the file for my next patient, a 21-year-old woman, complaining about stomach cramps, sickness, and “private” concerns. People are often shy and refuse to share their symptoms with the nurse. I go into the room and start talking to the patient.)

Me: “Hello, I am Dr. [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

Patient: “I keep getting stomach cramps, and I threw up this morning. It was really gross… and, um… ah…”

(The patient is acting uncomfortable.)

Patient: “I haven’t had my period in three months! It’s always been irregular, but I haven’t ever gone this long! I must be really sick! Please help me.”

(Utilizing my $50,000 education and 14 years of experience, I make the first suggestion that comes to mind.)

Me: “Is there any chance that you might be pregnant?”

(The patient looks disgusted by this.)

Patient: “Oh, so, if a woman is sick it means that she must be pregnant. No, she can’t be dying or anything; she must be a slut. You men are all the same!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is just procedure. I have to check things off the list to find out what is wrong. Can you please answer my question?”

Patient: “No. I want a woman doctor. Get me your woman doctor or I am leaving!”

Me: “There are only me and three male PAs.”

Patient: “Humph!”

(The patient walked out of the examination room and out of the office, complaining of sexism and “unprofessional behavior” to everybody in the waiting room. Six months later, I got another patient file for a woman wanting a prenatal exam. Now, guess who it could possibly be? The lesson here is that there are a lot of things that share symptoms with pregnancy, but pregnancy is FAR more common than most of them. When a doctor asks you if you are pregnant, it is not an accusation; it is an important diagnostic tool.)