(Regrettably, our local university is the main reason that county STD rates are the second-highest in the state (the highest-ranking county is home to a naval base). Outbreaks are common and rather a grim joke with local healthcare providers. The county has purchased a new emergency radio system and one of their officers has arrived to train our staff on how to use the equipment.)
Instructor: “The great thing about this system is that it is linked to over two hundred towers, state-wide. This means that if you need to, you can communicate not only throughout the county, but with other jurisdictions as well. For example; let’s say you have to set up some kind of emergency clinic at the University for… I don’t know, what’s an epidemic that the students might experience there?”
Me: *without thinking* “Probably chlamydia.”
(My boss shushed me, but our director of nursing almost fell off her chair from laughing so hard.)
(I work at a pharmacy as a cashier. The pharmacist on duty has been working here for years and knows all of our regulars. A customer has a question for him so I forward it over to him without much of a thought.)
Pharmacist: “All right, we’ll try that. Cross your fingers and toes!” *pause* “Okay, it worked. Have a good day!”
(He hangs up the phone and bursts out laughing.)
Pharmacist: “Well, I feel like an a** right now.”
Me: “What happened?”
Pharmacist: “Mrs. [Name]? The one I just got off the phone with? I told her to cross her fingers and toes and she doesn’t have legs.”
Customer: “I’d like to fill a prescription but I also wanted to ask about this medicine.” *puts two boxes of OTC painkillers on the counter* “Can I use this for my migraine?”
(I start by asking her various questions about the migraine to see whether she should get something OTC or if she should see a doctor. I also ask about contraindications for the particular drug. From the answers I get I explain to her that the drug she chose on the shelf is not suitable for her and I go to the shelf to get a different medicine. All in all this has not taken more than a few minutes, and going to the shelf and back a maximum of 15 seconds. As I return she’s really upset with me and snaps.)
Customer: “How come you got so preoccupied with this? I told you I was here to fill a prescription!”
Me: “Okay, just so you know, sir, a three-month supply of this medication is going to cost you about $400.”
Customer: “What?! No. You’re wrong. When I picked it up last it was a third of that!”
(I look up his payment and pick up history in the system.)
Me: “It looks like this new prescription is the same medication as the last but you’re allowed to pick up three months at a time instead of just one. Is that correct?”
Customer: “Yes! But it’s never this expensive!”
Me: “Well, you’re picking up more at one time which is why it is a higher cost.”
Customer: “No! You’re wrong. It’s not supposed to be this expensive!”
Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t set the prices. Your insurance company tells us what to charge you based on your plan.”
(This commences a 10 minute rant about how this medication is too expensive and he KNOWS he shouldn’t owe this much because he has been in the industry for 20 years and has a PhD.)
Customer: “When I picked it up last month it was only $133! It shouldn’t be $400!”
Me: “So… you previously picked up a one month supply for $133? And you’re upset because this three-month supply is three times the cost of the one-month supply?”
Customer: “YES!”
(Sadly this man did not see the math and proceeded to stay for the next 45 minutes and tell me exactly what was wrong with the entire industry and why it was my fault. Unfortunately, I have more stories about this guy from this 45 minute encounter alone.)
(I work in a pharmacy where I hear about how awful the new healthcare laws are at least four times a day. I personally have Marketplace coverage and keep my mouth shut all the time, but this one is too stupid to overlook
Customer: “I need refills on my medication.”
Me: “Okay, let me look it up… I’m sorry, sir, you have no refills left. I can fax the doctor to ask for more.”
Customer: *stares at me like I just committed murder* “See! This is that d*** Obamacare! I need my medication!”
Me: *in the calmest voice possible* “Sir, do you understand how pharmacy works? You used all your refills already. If you would like I can try to call the White House and see if President Obama can authorize a new prescription.”
(I pick up the phone and call information and ask to be connected to the White House.)
Customer: “Don’t be rude to me! You’re obviously an Obama lover.”
Me: “No, I just wanted you to see how uneducated and ridiculous you sound. By the way Obama is not in the office right now so you’ll have to wait on those refills. Have a great day!”
Cashier: *ringing me up* “Okay, ma’am, your total today comes to—” *pauses a moment and looks like a deer in the headlights* “$6.66…”
(I calmly gets my money to pay and the cashier finishes bagging my items, still looking like a deer in the headlights. Finally my receipt is being printed out.)
Cashier: “Do you, uh, want your receipt?”
Me: “Yes, please!”
Cashier: *takes receipt and crumples it into a ball and TOSSES it onto the counter* “Here you go.”
Me: *shocked* “Uh, thanks…” *takes receipt and straightens it out*
(The clerk opens the drawer under the counter where they keep the stamps. She takes out a book of stamps…and another…and another…and another until every book of stamps in the drawer is on the counter.)
Clerk: “These are all we have. Is this enough for a whole book
(We have a lot of multicultural customers come into our store and as I love languages I like to ask about their accents and learn a phrase or two if I can. A young woman and her elderly mother have been talking in another language before coming to my register.)
Me: “Hi there, did you find everything okay? And do you mind me asking what language that was?”
Daughter: “It’s a dialect of Italian.”
Me: “How would I say ‘have a nice day’?”
Mother: “Fi una bella giornata.”
(As I hand them their purchases.)
Me: “Well, then, fi una bella giornata!”
Daughter: “Very good!”
(The mother then says something in Italian before slapping me in the rear.)
(I work with a small mom and pop pharmacy for several years. Due to budget cuts it is necessary to layoff an employee. After discussing our options the owner decides to fire a technician who, though friendly, is relatively lazy. This is when Survivor first debuted.)
Boss: “So, [Coworker], you’ve been voted off the island.”
(Working in a busy pharmacy, a teenage boy and his girlfriend came up to the counter.)
Boy: “I’m looking for the condoms.” *smiling at his girlfriend, she’s looking embarrassed*
Me: “Aisle 10, right hand side.”
Boy: “Yeah, but you see, I need some extra-large condoms. The regular ones are way too small for me.” *smirking at his girlfriend*
Me: “Seriously?”
(I stand back, heave my leg up on the counter and point to it.)
Me: “See this ankle? I recently broke it, and had a cast on. I used regular-sized condoms on it to waterproof it when I had showers. If your penis is larger than this—” *pointing to my leg still up on the counter* “—then I seriously suggest you keep it away from her—” *pointing to girlfriend* “—as it’s going to do some serious damage!”
(Both boy and girlfriend walked away without saying another word.)
Convenience Store, Pharmacy | Right | April 8, 2016
(I work in a city where the people have to buy city trash-bags that are expensive. We had to get rid of our trash barrel from outside the store because people started throwing away their home trash in it.)
Customer: *walking in with bag full of trash* “Do you have a barrel so I can throw away my trash?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we had to get rid of it.”
Customer: “Well, why?”
Me: “Because people started to bring their home trash to our store and leave it around our barrel because they didn’t want to buy city bags.”
Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. Where am I supposed to throw away my trash?”
(At our store we have a voice over that is triggered when someone pulls up to the drive-thru. To stop it from repeating, you have to pick up the phone and press the drive-thru button. This button is next to the regular phone button.)
Me: *after hearing someone pull up at drive-thru* “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help— You know what? Never mind. I’m on my way.”
(I work in the front end of a pharmacy retailer that recently stopped selling cigarettes in an effort to promote customer health. It’s been almost two years, but exchanges like this still happen regularly.)
Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a carton of [Brand] cigarettes.”
(I look behind me to where the cigarettes used to be stored, where there is now a large sign with a crossed out cigarette and a slogan that reads: “Quitting starts here.”)
(A customer is making a purchase, which has been going normally until the end.)
Me: “All right, that’ll be [amount].”
Customer: “What? That poster-board was supposed to be $4.99.”
(I go with her to check the price marked on the shelf.)
Me: “This is where it was supposed to go; someone put it in the wrong place.”
(I indicate the $8.99 shelf tag; assuming that she wants a $4.99 pack, I grab one and return to the front, to which she does not object. I void out the more expensive pack and ring up the other. After I finish ringing it up…)
Customer: “That’s not the poster-board I want.”
Me: “It’s the pack that’s $4.99.”
Customer: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it. Just void that and I’ll pick out the poster-board.”
Me: “All right, your other items will be six—”
(I’m cut off by the customer walking away to pick out her poster-board without finishing the sale for her other items, with three customers waiting in line behind her, and no other cashiers on duty. Fortunately, the other register hasn’t been closed out yet, so I can still ring them up somewhere. She finally returns with the poster-board she wants, but I need manager approval because of all the voided items.)
Me: *over the PA, right in front of her* “Manager approval at the front, please.”
Customer: “Why isn’t the sale going through?!”
Me: “I need approval because of all the voids.”
Customer: “You could have said something!”
(Finally, my manager can pass the sale through, with the customer complaining about my service the whole time; my manager promises to have a talk with me over it. Once the store is empty…)
Manager: “So… from how she was acting, I’m guessing she was already in a b***h-fit when she came in
(A customer is making a purchase, which has been going normally until the end.)
Me: “All right, that’ll be [amount].”
Customer: “What? That poster-board was supposed to be $4.99.”
(I go with her to check the price marked on the shelf.)
Me: “This is where it was supposed to go; someone put it in the wrong place.”
(I indicate the $8.99 shelf tag; assuming that she wants a $4.99 pack, I grab one and return to the front, to which she does not object. I void out the more expensive pack and ring up the other. After I finish ringing it up…)
Customer: “That’s not the poster-board I want.”
Me: “It’s the pack that’s $4.99.”
Customer: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it. Just void that and I’ll pick out the poster-board.”
Me: “All right, your other items will be six—”
(I’m cut off by the customer walking away to pick out her poster-board without finishing the sale for her other items, with three customers waiting in line behind her, and no other cashiers on duty. Fortunately, the other register hasn’t been closed out yet, so I can still ring them up somewhere. She finally returns with the poster-board she wants, but I need manager approval because of all the voided items.)
Me: *over the PA, right in front of her* “Manager approval at the front, please.”
Customer: “Why isn’t the sale going through?!”
Me: “I need approval because of all the voids.”
Customer: “You could have said something!”
(Finally, my manager can pass the sale through, with the customer complaining about my service the whole time; my manager promises to have a talk with me over it. Once the store is empty…)
Manager: “So… from how she was acting, I’m guessing she was already in a b***h-fit when she came in?”
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