Survival Of The Fittest In Action
Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 14, 2009
Me: “Hello, this is [Doctor]’s office. Can I help you?”
Patient: “Yeah, is there an injection I can get for my gout?”
Me: “I don’t think so. I think we only give injections for muscle pain, but I can double-check for you.”
Patient: “Yeah, check. I’m going away this weekend and my ankle really hurts. My primary doctor says it’s not gout. I had these labs done, and they all say it’s not gout, but it really hurts.”
Me: “It’s not gout, but you want to know about a gout injection?”
Patient: “Well, they say it’s not gout, but I was at a bar and a guy looked at it and said, ‘That’s gout, all right!'”
Me: *pause* “A guy at the bar?”
Patient: “Yeah. And he gave me one of his pills, and it really helped.”
Me: “You took a pill from some guy in a bar?!”
Patient: “Yeah, it really helped, and it was gout medicine, so I think I have gout. So, is there an injection?”
Me: “Hold, please.”
(At this point, I go ask my manager if a gout injection exists, which it doesn’t, and I explain the situation. She agrees that this is completely stupid, but that if the woman wants gout medication, we can prescribe it.)
Me: “Thanks for holding. Turns out there’s no injection for gout.”
Patient: “Really? My ankle’s killing me.”
Me: “Well, if the medicine you took worked for you, we may be able to write you a prescription for it.”
Patient: “Oh, I already have a prescription.”
Me: “You… already have a prescription that stops your pain? Are you taking it?”
Patient: “No, I thought an injection might be faster.”
Me: *long pause* “Is there anything else you need today?”
Patient: “No, thank you.” *click*
Me: “Oh. My. God.”
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