What A Bloody Nuisance

Coworkers, Employees, Health & Body, Office, Pranks, UK | Working | June 11, 2020


I have recurring nosebleeds which more or less start within fifteen minutes of noon. It’s so consistent that my file has a note against it that I should have my break around that time to avoid problems.

Today is no different, and I am running down the office with a tissue in hand in case of spillage. I run towards the toilet which is next to the staff room. A new employee leaves the staff room and glares at me. I try to say it’s just a nosebleed, but he full-on sprints out of the office, screaming, before I get the chance to.

As I walk past the staff room, I hear a couple of the women cackling.

Me: “What was that about?”

Woman #1 : “Get cleaned up and we’ll tell you.”

I’m back a few minutes later.

Woman #1 : “So, the new guy has been a bit of a b**** with everyone.”

Woman #2 : “He told HR this morning that I was bullying him. All I did was ask if he could photocopy something for me.”

Woman #1 : “So, we thought we’d get our own back. We knew you would be coming down, probably with a nosebleed, so we pretended to be demons.”

Me: “Okay…”

Woman #2 : “He didn’t believe us, so we pretended to smell virgin blood. He still didn’t believe us, so we told him to go check.”

Me: “So, you’ve used me to probably traumatise him?”

Woman #1 : “Well, when you put it like that, it sounds pretty harsh!”

They weren’t in any way guilty for it, but they did promise never to use me to their advantage again. I was going to tell HR at lunch, but the new employee had beat me to it, clocking on that it was probably a joke. [Woman #2 ] was dismissed and [Woman #1 ] suspended. The new employee still works here and he finds it funny now that he understands that I do actually get nosebleeds. He even feels guilty about [Woman #2 ], but not enough to help get her job back.